5 things...

this seems incomplete - I would think there would be 5 lists of 5 things... but this is all I received so I’ll go with it – I have nothing else worth saying today anyway hehehe

the idea is to list items that I have that I don't think any of you have
I have A LOT of crap... but most of it seems pretty common - I kinda doubt I have much that there isn't a decent chance at least some of you have - after all we do gravitate toward eachother because we have things in common - so it stands to reason we might own a lot of the same stuff

anyway - here goes...

list 5 cd’s you have that you think nobody reading this has:

I kinda doubt I have 5 cd’s that none of you have – but I’ll give it a try

1. Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids Demos Volumes 1-3
2. Insult II Injury – Point of This
3. Misfits – Evilive
4. U.S.A. for M.O.D.
5. Healing Waters

list 5 vhs/dvd’s/whatever that you have that you think nobody reading this has:

I have HUNDREDS of movies – AND Sam’s step father used to be the bootleg king so I guarantee I have LOTS of movies that none of you have – but rather than take the easy route I’ll go with more normal things you actually MIGHT have

1. a few years ago Sam and AC chipped in and got me every single episode of the old BATMAN shows (from the 60’s) – one of my all time favorite (and most used) gifts EVER!!
2. Pink Flamingos
3. Freaks
4. Motel Hell
5. American Gothic

list 5 books you have that you think nobody reading this has:

most of you are pretty voracious readers so this one will be difficult...

1. the Secret Diary of Laura Palmer

2. the Annotated Alice

3. Body Dump - (about a serial killer who my mother AND Sam actually went to school with) – which brings up a topic that is another post in itself

4. the Muppet Show book

5. Audrey Rose

list 5 tools, toys or devices you have that you think nobody reading this has:

good grief... I REALLY doubt I have ANY tools, toys or devices that none of you would have... lets see

1. the only thing I can think of that I have that I seriously doubt any of you have is metal punching tools - used for doing THIS sort of thing (which I rarely use but really should)

2. ColecoVision with Atari module - another thing that rarely gets used

3. TV @nywhere plus - so I can watch and record tv through my computer (seems kind of obsolete now) - but it NEVER gets used anyway

4. recumbent bike - guess what... never gets used

5. kitchen aid stand mixer - FINALLY something I actually use!! hehehe
but I'm sure most people who cook or bake a lot have one of these


so how did I do?

two for the price of... none

it's Friday, folks - time for another TOTALLY AWESOME VIDEO!!

now usually I don't like to give introductions to these videos... I usually pick bizarre and oddball videos because I happen to love bizarre and oddball stuff and I want to share my bizarre and oddball finds with the rest of you - and it seems more fun to let you discover the weirdness at it's own natural pace

however - this week is different - this time I want to take a moment to express my appreciation for someone I consider to be a fucking GENIUS - not just because he thinks A LOT like me and is actually able to articulate those thoughts - but because he has the balls to get up and share them with the world, even though they SEEM unpopular... though his DECADES of popularity suggest otherwise!!

I'm talking about George Carlin - who I'm sure you heard, died earlier this week =(

I LOVE George Carlin because he saw through the bullshit and spoke the truth!! the world needs more people who tell it like it REALLY is and don't go pussyfooting around the truth in the name of political correctness

so in memory of someone I consider to be a TOTALLY AWESOME PERSON ~ two TOTALLY AWESOME VIDEOS

R.I.P
George Carlin
1937-2008

on voting...



on fat people and stuff...



have a GREAT weekend everyone!! =)

I smell dead people...

no not rotting corpses… more like what they smelled like BEFORE they died – I get whiffs of scents I KNOW are not in my house

for example: my grandmother’s aloe vera cream, which she smothered her face with every night for as long as I can remember – actually this is probably the one I smell the most… and I’m 100% positive that there is nothing in my house that smells like this… so it’s not like I’m walking past something and stirring up the fragrance like when you walk past a scented candle or something

and it’s a pretty distinct smell – something I’ve actually never smelled anywhere else (that I know of) but on my grandmother’s face

another thing I smell pretty often is the kind of old lady/perfume smell of my great grandmother… she died when I was about 5 years old and I have very few memories left of her but when that scent hits me, it’s like she’s standing right there

when this happens I just go about my business - the only reason I can think for WHY I’m smelling them seems kinda kooky... I’ve always just assumed that their spirits or whatever are there and I just can’t see them – which is a cool idea but kinda disturbing… I mean there are just some things you don’t want your grandma seeing you do!!

anyway - usually these are the only two smells I pay any attention to because they are the most familiar to me… although occasionally I will get whiffs of other things that I KNOW aren’t there – but that don’t seem to remind me of anyone – smells I REALLY can’t explain

like recently… for about the last 4 days or so I’ve been getting whiffs of grape gum... I don’t know anyone who has died that was a big grape gum chewer or anything… so I just keep thinking there is grape gum near me – even though I KNOW there isn’t

it’s pretty weird… it happened the other day at the supermarket and I just assumed there was something with artificial grape in it somewhere near me… I sniffed everything near me and found NOTHING – but still I’m writing that one off… however I can’t write off the times I keep smelling grape gum at home

I LOVE me some bubble gum – oh yeah!! but I don’t have any at the moment and even if I did, it would most likely NOT be grape

so maybe my spirit idea is off… maybe I just have a brain tumor or something… you know I would assume that if it weren’t for the fact that this has been going on for longer than I can remember

mind you I’m super sensitive to fragrances… I have almost NOTHING in my house that has a fragrance… all my stuff (shampoo, conditioner, soap, lotion, laundry detergent, deodorant etc.) HAS to be fragrance free or one of the few scents that doesn’t seem to bother me… I use lemon dish soap and spray cleaner in the kitchen because the lemon scent of certain products doesn’t seem to bother me – but that’s IT

even Sam can’t wear anything smelly – hell when we have guests I have to ask them not to wear anything smelly, which believe me is a HUGE pain in the ass!!

my point is, I do not have multiple fragrances bouncing around my house… so I’m not just smelling something I forgot I had…

I don’t suppose I‘ll ever have a ‘logical’ explanation for why I smell these things that smell like dead people - so I guess I’ll go on with what I’ve always thought… that someone I can’t see has dropped in for a visit… and hope they have the decency to leave when I’m like… masturbating or picking my nose

blast from the past...

making my rounds in blogville this morning I noticed Mary mentioned contemplating a change in the arrangement of her furniture… and it reminded me of when I was a teenager (the days when I learned I was capable of more than I let on) so I thought it would be fun to share a little glimpse into my past

anyway - I actually enjoy rearranging furniture (or at least I DID) when I was a teenager I did it pretty regularly... well it was regular for me anyway hehehe - as I said in Mary's comments… I would rearrange my bedroom about as often as I cleaned it… which was probably a couple times a year – HA!

seriously I was a slob – unless they saw it, most people wouldn’t believe exactly HOW messy my room was… but I have proof - this picture was taken when I was about 17



my old friend Michelle (in the giant clown nose) joked that there was so much crap in there that she felt like Waldo - so I took a picture of her, crouched down amid the rubble… err clutter

in my defense, it wasn’t easy to keep my room neat… it was pretty small (about 10’x12’) and you probably can’t tell from this pic but the ceiling sloped down on two sides, making those walls only about 4½ feet tall - and obviously I had/have a TON of crap… I had pretty much everything I ever owned in my entire life in that one room – with the exception of a few boxes of stuff and a giant bag full of stuffed animals which I kept in the attic

the picture must have been taken in a colder month because my air conditioner is covered with a tie dye and a bunch of stuffed animals are piled up in front of it, most of which I’ve had all my life - to the right of Michelle you can see a yellow and white blanket which some relative crocheted for me when I was born – behind her is my desk, which as you can see is clearly NOT a place where I did my homework or anything like that… it is (actually carefully) littered with beer bottles which I often used as vases, an art project I did (a pencil drawing of a dragon), a vase full of fake red roses… and one of those adorable dancing flowers that were so popular in the 80’s

and for some reason the whole mish-mash is entangled in a large black net - you can imagine how much dust collected on that desk!!

the gazillion posters and pictures from magazines hanging all over the walls just added to the cluttered look - all the walls AND the ceiling were plastered with pictures of everyone from Anthrax to Led Zeppelin

you can’t tell, but next to the giant basket to the right of Michelle is a milk crate which is half full of dirty dishes – I ate in my room all the time, and rarely returned my dishes to the kitchen… once in a while my mother would yell up that there were no dishes down there and I would fill up a milk crate with my crusted up dirty dishes and bring them back down (I was obviously much stronger then, if I tried to carry a milk crate full of dishes down the stairs now I would surely drop them and or fall and break my neck!!

I was also a smoker (I know *gag*) and a soda drinker… so I had many half empty, ash covered cans of Dr. Pepper lying around with cigarette butts floating in them – which believe me, did NOT smell good!!

mind you I was NOT raised this way… this all started when I was about 13 – pretty much around the same time I lost all respect for my mother – I did NOT enjoy living in this mess and I see now that I was really the only one who actually ‘suffered’ by living in it – but I think in my teenage stupidity I saw it as a slap in her face… like – you’ve given me this space… here’s what I think of it and of you

that and I was never made to clean anything when I was growing up, sure I had to pick up after myself if I played with a toy or something – but I never had chores… my biggest chore growing up was emptying the dish washer… WHOPPIDEE DOO hehehe

so yes I was spoiled... but I was also angry and depressed... plus I was too busy hanging out with friends and drinking beer... err making vases, to bother

so anyway like I said – a couple times a year I would get a bug up my butt to clean and rearrange my room – I think it was a case of which came first… because in order to thoroughly clean my room I had to sort of rearrange it… and in order to rearrange it I DEFINITELY had to clean it!!

keep in mind the room was small... for much of the time I had a full size bed in there (at one point I actually had a water bed in there) in addition to a 19 inch tv, VCR, at least 2 video game systems (and NOT the little compact things they have today), a full stereo w/cabinet, a desk, a huge old dresser, a bench that opened up for storage and at least one foot locker - there were also times where I had pets - my current cat lived in there when we first got her and she wasn't allowed out into the rest of the house - so her food, water AND litter box were in there... when we got her I also had a guinea pig in a cage living in there (strangely enough, believe it or not I actually was usually very on top of making sure the animals were cleaned up after - guinea pig cage/litter box emptied and cleaned regularly etc. - I did NOT need the added stench of urine and feces in that pig sty) hehehe

PLUS for most of the time I lived there Sam lived with me, so we BOTH had to fit in there as well - although at the time of that picture I don't think he was living with me... so pretty much all of that crap was mine - although I'm sure SOME of it was his!! he always left something behind when he'd visit on the weekends

so when I cleaned and rearranged that room I REALLY had my work cut out for me... and I always did it ALL by myself... and not a scrap of that furniture was cheap particle board Kmart (I was gonna say Jamesway which was actually the worst, but then I realized most of you probably don't know Jamesway) type furniture - it was all HEAVY old stuff!!

AND I set up my stereo, tv, vcr and video games all by myself - something most chicks claim they can't wrap their pretty little heads around - although I think they just say that in order to get the men folk to do it for them

I dunno though... my mother lives alone and has no men folk handy to get to help her and her VCR still blinks 12:00 - and probably always will... and Ohio friend's husband is useless when it comes to... well pretty much ANYTHING, and she STILL hasn't figured out how to set her VCR to record - so maybe my theory is off

maybe I'm just special!! hehehe

or maybe I just wanted to be able to do things how and when I wanted them done, so I HAD to figure out ways to do things myself

this is actually a valuable lesson... because while it's nice to have someone to fall back on and people in your life to help you out when you need it... you can never count on anyone else... especially to do things when you want them done

anyway - THANKFULLY I got my head out of my ass and stopped living in squalor (which supports my 'fuck mom' theory that I had such a gross and messy room as a statement to her)

of course I'm sure the fact that we have 10 times the square footage these days doesn't hurt either - but since we've moved out of that dungeon... err bedroom and into our own apartments/houses, in addition to getting out of the habit of being a total SLOB - I've gotten out of the habit of rearranging... I haven't rearranged any furniture (even though I'd REALLY like to rearrange our living room... I can't figure out HOW) maybe I should take pictures and you guys can give me some suggestions

that's another part of my problem - I never think to ask for help... I just rack my brain trying to find solutions on my own

but I've also gotten lazy... to the point of actually convincing myself that I'm not capable of setting up the electronic stuff - which is one of my obstacles with rearranging... if I rearrange I have to know how to set everything back up again or I'll be sitting here in silence until Sam is free to untangle everything and hook it back up

I blame it on all the added junk we have (cable box, video games, vcr, DVD, multiple A/B switches to accommodate it all) it's not just a tv with a cable screwed into the back of it anymore or making sure you remember which goes first, the VCR or the tv hehehe it's all so confusing

so I play the helpless girl most of the time - when really I'm sure I could handle it... if I had to

but WHY should I? men dig that sort of crap... don't they? I mean it makes them feel needed when we bat our eyes and ask for their help... doesn't it? surrrrre it does!!

anyway as usual I seem to have lost the point... so I guess I'll just shut up now hehehe

Mars vs. Venus strikes again…

we typically do our grocery shopping on Saturday mornings… since we're not rich, and we live about 20 minutes from the nearest supermarket and since gas costs... whatever the hell it costs today (probably 20 cents more a gallon than it was yesterday) we consolidate our trips

I look through my cupboards and fridge to see what we have, then I make a list of dinners for the week based on that… then I work from the dinner list, to make a list of anything else we’ll need – missing ingredients, staples we’ve run out of or will run out of etc.

I check the circulars… see if there’s anything good worth stocking up on – like this week barilla pasta is on sale at one of our stores 5/$4 – we didn’t need it for anything on this weeks dinner list, but we will eventually, and anything less than a dollar a box is a good deal to me so I stocked up

I arrange my grocery list based on where the items are in the store to avoid wasting time going down unnecessary aisles AND to avoid any impulse buys – for instance, I’m a sucker for cereal!! if cocoa pebbles, frosted flakes, count chocula, lucky charms, life or frosted mini wheats are on sale I WANT THEM!!

so it’s best if I avoid the cereal aisle altogether!!

I’m also a sucker for celeste pizzas for one, ellios, Luna ‘nutz over chocolate’ bars, chef Boyardee spaghetti, nutella, russer ‘wonderbar’ bologna, pepsi, Ben & Jerry’s ‘chunky monkey’ ice cream, haagen dazs ‘vanilla swiss almond’ ice cream, chocolate covered pretzels and Nathan’s hot dogs

so it’s REALLY best if I avoid ALL aisles and just zero in on the specific items I NEED for the week!!

usually if we’re going to be having company it will either be on Saturday or Sunday, so it’s no problem to shop accordingly - but every now and then Sam throws a monkey wrench into my week… this is one of those times

as usual we did our grocery shopping on Saturday… on Sunday we were at his mother’s house visiting his step father for father’s day – and apparently he invited his brother over for tonight

when we left there he asked if there was anything on the dinner list that would work for having him over… mind you this guy eats like he hasn’t seen food in a week or two so when I know he’s coming, I plan a meal that stretches… like REALLY stretches… and then I DOUBLE the recipe!!

I normally try to cook meals that stretch… just because we NEED the leftovers for lunches and stuff – so normally in a pinch we COULD offer someone dinner at the last minute – like one of those rude people who just pop in at dinner time (I can’t not offer people something if I’m sitting there eating… even if it was rude of them to pop in at dinner time) hehehe

anyway… like I said, Sunday after we left his mother’s house, Sam asks if we have anything on the dinner list that would feed his brother – I said ‘I don’t think so’

nothing more was said about it

then about a half hour ago (11am) Sam calls to remind me that his brother is coming over tonight… and I was like ‘uh… I don’t think we have anything to feed him’

granted I’m having a bad day so my brain isn’t working very well or MAYBE I would have been able to pull an idea out of my ass – I don’t know

but I was reminded of old episodes of Bewitched where Darren would call up and tell Samantha that an important client was coming for dinner and he was sure she could just whip something up at the last minute

of course he would then get pissed at her when her last minute gourmet meal turned into some kind of witchy disaster – I never understood that… you’d think he’d be glad she had such skills - rather than trying to get her to suppress them he should have used them to his advantage WITHOUT the struggle

anyway… there’s a major difference between me and Samantha… I am NOT a witch… I can’t twitch my nose and make dinner appear
I’m also not June Cleaver or Rachael Ray - I can NOT just ‘make’ a tasty, nutritious AND ginormous meal in under 30 minutes… not even with my handy dandy microwave oven OR my George Foreman grill hehehe

I don’t drive and as I mentioned we don’t live anywhere near a store – so spur of the moment meal planning isn’t easy for me… especially when there will be company… especially when that company eats like he’s training for the IFOCE

Sam had to get off the phone pretty quickly… but I THOUGHT we left it as I would TRY to come up with something and let him know (in case I needed him to make a detour on his way home and pick anything up that I might need to pull this off) – but then 10 minutes later he calls me back and tells me that he called his brother and told him to eat before he comes over

and he doesn’t understand why that would upset me…

uh… ya don’t invite someone over at dinner time and then tell them to make sure they eat BEFORE they get there!!

am I nuts?

don’t answer that

I guess this is just yet another case of men and women being different – but I take it as some sort of failure on my part if I can’t accommodate… does that make any sense?

when he told me he told his brother to eat before he comes over I obviously sounded irritated… then he got irritated… because, as he said - every time he tries to make things easier for me, I get pissed off

which is ridiculous… it’s not when he tries to make things easier for me… it’s when he gets impulsive and makes decisions that (I think) reflect negatively on me and then acts on them without consulting me that I get pissed off

ya wanna make things easier for me - get me a dish washer, put your socks in the hamper, take out the fucking recyclables

don't invite people over for dinner time (when they ALWAYS have dinner here when they come over) and then tell them (the day of) to eat before they get here!!




p.s. in his defense he DID half heartedly offer to pick up pizza, but we've been eating out so much lately for various reasons, I just REALLY don't want to spend the money on that

anyway... don't mind me I'm just letting off a little steam hehehe

curiosity killed the... squirrel?

I was walking through the yard past my mother’s house recently when I saw something kinda strange in the grass - I’m not really sure what it is… well actually I’m pretty sure it’s a squirrel, although it’s kinda hard to tell – ya see it no longer seems to have a face, feet or hands

in fact it looks a bit like a cornish hen that spent a little too much time on the rotisserie - if it wasn’t for the tuft of grey fur sticking up over the top(?) of the poor thing I don’t think I would have ANY clue what it… was

I can’t exactly tell where the head is/was - and it seems to be contorted… or deformed in some way

at first I was thinking the only logical thing one thinks upon seeing a mutilated animal in their yard… CHUPACABRA - of course!!

but then I realized it didn’t seem to have been drained of it’s blood.

so then I looked into what animals might go after a squirrel, as I’m sure they have many predators… I know I have considered taking out a squirrel or two over the years… and I’m not even hungry - so surely there are some animals out there, in need of a meal that think a squirrel would make a tasty morsel

it turns out that snakes (I hope to god there are no snakes that big anywhere near here!!) weasels, coyotes, red foxes, raccoons, hawks, falcons, eagles, and owls all go after squirrels… however I’m sure that ALL of those things would take off with the entire squirrel, not just remove it’s fur and leave it’s twisted carcass laying in the lawn

there was no fur strewn about as you often see when a larger animals takes off with particularly fluffy prey - so then I thought, perhaps a smaller animal took it’s fur to make a coat… I can just picture a tiny little woodland critter running around in a full length squirrel fur coat

but then I realized, unlike what cartoons and storybooks might suggest - without opposable thumbs, sewing together a quality fur coat would probably be a difficult task for a woodland critter

could it have been struck by lightening… or zapped on some power lines? or perhaps the animals get sick of gnawing on raw meat, so while we’re asleep at night they make use of our grill, and this is just a bit they had left over

I’m stumped (although thankfully not as stumped as our little tree rat seems to be) - what could have done something like this?!?!?

go on - give it the ol' clickeroo... you know ya want to!!

let me rephrase that...

in that last post, I wasn't trying to say that I wish I had something more to say...
because I don't

I know I'm a bit of a weirdo with my lack of interest in impressing people - but when it comes to people I used to know, really... aside from preferring none of them see how enormous I've gotten, I'm really not concerned with what they think of my life

I'm happy with it and that's all that matters - so what if I live like some old grandma... baking cookies and crocheting blankets hehehe
grandmas are good – everyone loves grandmas (someday I hope to grow into my role) haaaa

and I certainly like the fact that we’re not up to our eyeballs in debt… or chasing around a gaggle of misbehaved, little monsters… or dealing with a divorce

I have a man who loves me and would bend over backward for me… who works hard to take care of me… I have the time (and usually the money) to pursue my interests and hobbies – even if I often foolishly squander that time in blog land (a problem I fully intend to work on… right after this post… really!!)

things ain’t perfect here in kittyville – not by a long shot… BUT I’m pretty darn grateful that my life (so far) hasn’t turned into the train wreck that most people I run into seem to be describing

I may have gotten ridiculously lucky with finding my LOBSTER early, and both of us (despite being raised by wolves) managing to SOMEHOW know how to make things work (for us anyway) *knock on wood* hehehe

so what? YAY us!! I wish everyone could be so lucky!!

and maybe due to a lot of turmoil as a child I've grown to appreciate the safe route... even though that might not be very exciting… it’s a lot more comfortable (for me anyway) than the alternative… sure chaos and drama are interesting for a moment - but I’ll take the peace and quiet of my ‘boring’, uneventful, ridiculously lucky life any day :)

nothing...

I recently realized that I have done NOTHING in the last 17 years… other than get fat and get married – I’ve run into a couple of old friends from high school on myspace and whenever they ask what I’ve been up to… I have absolutely NOTHING to report!! NOTHING

actually I realized this a while ago while sending christmas cards to an old friend who moved to Maine while we were in jr. high – over time, Christmas cards became our only communication and year after year I’d send a card with a little note… and I found the only news I had to report was about other people (Sam got a new job, my sister had a baby, so and so died – whatever)

meanwhile her cards turned into photo cards with pictures of her kids – and there I was signing my cards ~ Love, Kitty, Sam & Willow (the cat) haaaa

but I never thought much about it – until these recent run ins with old friends… you’d think in the 17 years since high school ended that SOMETHING would have happened in my life!! but no…

they ask what I’ve been up to and I say ‘absolutely nothing!’

they’ve gone to college, moved away, had interesting jobs, gotten married, had babies, gotten divorced, moved back, changed careers

meanwhile I literally live 50 feet from where the school bus dropped me off on my last day of school 17 years ago!! I worked for my mother for several years and now that building has been converted into the house where I now live!! I’m married to the same person I’ve been with since I was 16 years old… so that’s not even news because they’ve all met him

I haven’t been to school… or had any kids… I haven’t even had a job in 12 years!! aside from the 4 years we lived 5 miles away from here I haven’t left this town

actually I have not left the state of NY in at least 10 years – aside from a few trips across the river to go to *GAG* Wal-Mart, I haven’t even left the county since my grandfather’s wedding 5 or 6 years ago

I haven’t made a single new friend… the friends I have are the same friends I’ve had since I was a kid

the thing is… I don’t care!! in fact I feel blessed that I’ve been able to avoid half of the things these people talk about - I love my life (aside from a few inconveniences) and wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world… my husband is AWESOME, I have the best friends in the world, I don’t feel like I’ve been missing out on anything (except maybe the whole kid thing)

so why does it seem… I dunno… WEIRD - that I have absolutely NOTHING to say? it stops a conversation pretty quickly when you have nothing to say, ya know? which is probably just as well because in most cases there’s a reason I lost touch with these people in the first place hehehe




this post actually started out being about something totally different, and quickly morphed into this so I ran with it… but now since I didn’t really have a point in the first place, I seem to have run out of things to say - go figure

saturating, soggy, stifling, suffocating, sweaty, sweltering, sticky, sickening…

and those are just the S words that describe our recent change in weather… things had been so nice and dry and comfortable… but of course what goes up must come down… or for every action there has to be an equal and opposite re-action… or whatever scientific BS explains why we must always go back and forth between such extremes

I guess without this crap we might be inclined to take the awesome weather days for granted… in fact I think that is what happens… it goes on for just so long and then we all start ignoring it so BAM we are punished with this hideous, hazy, hot, humid crap!!

GAH!!

anyway wanna hear about our weekend? sure you do…

more Saturdays than not we wind up hanging out with our friends the Bickersons - either we go there or they come here… for dinner but we usually spend most of the day together – the guys get together and either work on eachother’s cars or some other guy project while the girls pretty much sit around and gab and cook

this Saturday Mr. Bickerson was FINALLY getting around to fixing some essential broken bit of his truck and needed Sam’s help… work is always better when you have a friend to stand around to ‘assess the situation’ and suck down beers with you know

so we had plans to go over there… on Friday evening I had Sam call there to see if there was anything we could bring (I have a hard time showing up at people’s houses empty handed… even people who we see every week)

anyway he ends up talking to Mrs. Bickerson who for some reason started talking about their search for an air conditioner – they just moved and their new place has weird narrow windows that regular air conditioners won’t fit into – I don’t know what the hell the people (who actually own the house) who lived there before, did - if it was me I would have installed a wall unit!! but since the Bickersons rent this place, they can’t do that

he got off the phone and we didn’t think much about it (it was still sorta nice out at that point)

but the next morning as we left our house to do our weekly grocery shopping we realized something terrible had happened over night… our nice cool dry air had been replaced with thick, disgusting, humid air… and the temperature was rising rapidly

the conversation from the night before kicked in… did she say they have no AC??

I made Sam call them back to see… because if they had no AC there was no freakin’ way I wanted to spend the day there!! (I’m a bit of a princess… or is that a vampire… I prefer the cool darkness of my cave)

but Mr. Bickerson assured him that they had AC in the bedrooms and fans which were pulling the cool air out into the rest of the house – I was skeptical of how well that would work, especially on such a hot humid day as this… but he said it was good and I didn’t really feel like sitting home alone all day, so even though I KNEW if I changed my mind once I got there I was stuck - I went anyway

as usual when we got there they were bickering… apparently about the cost of a new air conditioner… which since they have these weird windows, is going to cost them about $400

anyway - he lied… the bedrooms were closed, sealing all the coolness inside – the only relief from the heat was an old fan in the living room… for some reason they had the windows open and another small fan in one of them which seemed to be pulling the humidity in - why do people do that? I don’t get it… the air outside was HOT and muggy WHY would you want to pull ANY of it inside???

it was bearable IF you sat directly in front of the old fan – but if you got up at all, even to use the bathroom it was just awful!!

and we were there for HOURS – at one point Mrs. Bickerson and I went to the grocery store… I guess she wanted to go out so she could enjoy the AC in her car – that was ok I guess… but as you know when you sit in front of the blasting cold vents of the car’s AC and then step out into the heat again, it only feels that much hotter – I was getting a pretty bad headache… me and the sun don’t mix

my body probably doesn’t know what to do with the sudden burst of vitamin D I start processing haaaa

even though we had planned to go out to eat (so we wouldn’t have to cook or try to eat in their sweltering house… and because I guess they wanted to treat us to dinner to celebrate our anniversary… which was last Monday) Mrs. Bickerson went hog wild at the grocery store - it seems she had changed her mind about not wanting to cook when she noticed they had steaks and crabs on sale – she bought 4 or 5 steaks and two big things of crab… claws or legs, I can’t remember – a bunch of fruit, cheeses, crackers, drinks… $150 later we left

$150!?!! that is more than Sam and I spend on an entire WEEKS worth of groceries – and I KNOW these two don’t have THAT much more money than us – especially since they have a kid AND their rent is more than twice what ours is!!

whatever… I don’t mind if someone else wants to foot the bill for me to have steak and crab!!

on our way home she stopped at McDonalds for a chicken wrap – apparently she had been hungry while we were at the store… suddenly the insane tasmanian devil-like whirl through the store made sense – never EVER enter a supermarket when you are hungry!!

once she ate her evil chicken wrap she lost interest in cooking so we ended up going out to dinner after all – we went to one of our favorite Indian places not far from where they live… they had never had Indian before so that was an adventure – we got a bunch of different appetizers and assorted dinners and pretty much shared everything so they could sample a bunch of stuff…

their son (9 yrs old) insisted he wanted crab korma – which is crab meat cooked in a kinda thick, creamy, spiced, coconuty sauce… which his mother insisted he would not like… she was right (I just finished it off for breakfast)

Indian food can be pretty filling - we ended up with A LOT of leftovers… which kinda worked out well the next day…

after dinner we stopped at a local CHOCOLATE/COFFEE SHOP which even though we go past it all the time, none of us had ever been... Mr. Bickerson, the kid and I had had enough of getting in and out of the car so Sam and Mrs. Bickerson went in and picked out a bunch of different stuff for us all to sample - some kind of chocolate raspberry brownie, chocolate mousse cake, some other chocolate cake-like thing and individual cups of tiramisu - then we all went back to their house, pigged out on chocolate and watched Cloverfield… which I think I would have enjoyed if the Bickersons could have stopped... bickering over the volume of the tv - seriously those two can drive you right up the wall!! for the most part I try to hold my tongue… I mean what can I really say anyway?

sometimes I can’t help myself though… at one point during their bickering I did ‘joke’ about how nice and relaxing it always is at their house - but they are always so involved in their insanity that they don’t even notice (or just don’t care) that there are other people in the room

anyway I’d like to see that movie again… but since she bought it and neither of them liked it, I’m sure I’ll get the chance… when they clean off their movie shelves and end up giving it to us… ahh ya gotta love friends who spend money carelessly

speaking of spending money - between the cost of the food she bought that we ended up not eating, the movie, dinner at the Indian place and dessert, they spent about what it would cost for them to buy a new air conditioner for their living room and possibly put an end to at least SOME of their bickering hehehe

anyway like I said those leftovers came in handy the next day… because our anniversary was Monday we decided to wait until the weekend to do anything – we had planned to maybe go out to dinner (at the Indian place we went to the night before) and see a movie… but we decided to rent a couple movies and stay in... maybe get take out or grill some burgers quick

but since we had all those leftovers it worked out really well… after the exhaustingly hot and sticky time we had at the Bickerson’s the day before we didn’t want to leave the comfort of our cool, dark air conditioned house

we had rented two movies – THE GIRL NEXT DOOR - which turned out to be a HORRIBLE disturbing movie based on a TRUE STORY of the torture/death of a teenage girl in the early 1960’s at the hands of the psychotic woman she lived with and her, and other neighborhood children

obviously either we didn’t read the description well enough or they didn’t describe it well enough or I’m sure we would NOT have rented this movie… it put both of us in a yucky mood for the rest of the day

after that we watched UNTRACABLE - about some nut job who kidnaps and kills people using the internet… he creates torture devices that increase in severity the more people log onto his web site – for example one of the people was seated chest deep in a tank of water with tubes leading from another tank filled with sulfuric acid… the more hits the web site gets the more acid is released into the water tank – eventually giving the guy an acid bath (boiling him alive in battery acid)

which strangely was nowhere near as disturbing as he first movie…

still, movies like that always make me want to shut off my internet and never go back… but as you can see, after a good nights sleep I’ve obviously gotten over it haaaa

so basically the first half of the weekend was hot and sweaty, but fun and yummy – the second half was cooler and more comfortable but dark and disturbing… I hope next weekend we find some kind of happy medium!!

the clutter... it is everywhere

I’m TRYING to get back on track here so I wanted to post something today… but nothing really struck me… sure I have things to say (I always have something to say) but nothing I really felt like focusing on…

then I stopped by Mary’s blog and found inspiration… not only for a post… but a way to take care of some long overdue tidying up

she was procrastinating (trying to avoid housework) by browsing through her bookmarks and posted some of them – so I thought HEY I have like 12 years worth of bookmarks piled up on this idiot box that I need to sort through and work on eliminating… I have a headache and don’t have the energy for much else at the moment so I thought I’d do the same…

because it’s fun to see what you bookmarked once upon a time but have since forgotten about AND it’s fun to see what other’s have bookmarked… or at least I think it is

looking through someone’s bookmarks is sort of like looking through their medicine cabinet, ya know? only there’s no chance that a crap load of marbles are going to come pouring out onto the floor haaaa

so here ya go… a look into some of the crap I've accumulated over he years...

Chocolate Fantasies ~ I'm pretty sure I was there looking at the chocolate clone-a-willy... but I don't remember WHY

a letter of complaint ~ from some poor sap stuck in an unfortunate airplane seat

Bunny Yawns ~ oodles of adorable pictures of bunnies... yawning - no clue where it came from or why I kept it

Zork ~ because I'm a dork? actually I think Brian sent me this... if I recall, I had a dream that I was telling him about and he said it reminded him of this game - does that sound right? - I keep it because every now and then I play it... and now you will too

The Healthy Submissive ~ an essay about well… being a healthy submissive… I don’t actually remember ever having read this… I probably bookmarked it planning to read it some time and just never got around to it… but it does talk about a lot of things that most people with ‘submissive tendencies’ seem to struggle with

You Said It ~ different questions asked and answered by kids – it’s interesting and scary to read what kids actually have to say about certain things... I could kill HOURS looking through the different topics... some of it is kinda sad but most of it is pretty funny (especially the particular page I linked you to)

tumbleweed tiny house company ~ and I think MY house is small!! you have to really appreciate the value of living with less if you're gonna live in one of these!! (not sure I’m quite there yet)

The Meatrix ~ a cute little barnyard matrix spoof all about the evils of factory farming

QuizYourFriends ~ make your own quizzes (another one of those things I planned to do but so far haven’t gotten around to) maybe you will...

Lady Bug ~ a flash version of one of my all time FAVORITE video games

~ENJOY!!

phew...

last week was both too long and not long enough… it was great to see them but it also wasn't long before Sam and I were both looking forward to life getting back to normal!! it ain’t easy having house guests… for a few reasons - but especially when one of them is my sister – not that she is a particularly bad guest or anything… she's just… a little hard to deal with at times

for example – she’s a grown woman and she spent most of the time she was here, texting back and forth with her semi-ex boyfriend (I say semi-ex because I thought they had broken up but it sure didn’t seem that way)

did she come here to visit or did she come here to stare at her texting machine all week?? it’s rude and irritating… especially when she gets angry with her daughter for pestering her because she has to keep saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly until she’s done reading and or/sending a message – plus how would she have felt if I spent the entire time she was here blog hopping and chatting?

anyway… for the most part, things went pretty well although I couldn’t get a concrete answer as to when exactly they would be at our house – so I wasn’t exactly prepared – food wise anyway… I had made sure I put dinners on my list for the week that they would eat but since the last time they were here (last August) they/we were out and about so much I didn’t really think about breakfasts, lunches, snacks or drinks – I guess I figured once they got here we could go out and pick some stuff up… since I know how insanely particular she is (minimal dairy, no sweets, minimal carbs) it’s a pain in the ass haaaa I’d rather she pick the stuff out… I don’t have the money to blow on bad guesses, ya know?

but it worked out well enough I guess… nobody seemed to be going hungry… except for maybe their first morning here hehehe

when they first got here, the monkey (that’s my niece) ran up and jumped on me like she was happy to see me... I was just happy she remembered me – little memories fade fast ya know? but she basically clung to me the whole time they were here… so she remembered me AND she likes me – YAY

we spent A LOT of time coloring together… I think we went through 2 whole coloring books in 5 days – every morning when she’d wake up she would sleepily walk over to me and glue herself to my hip and ask me in this pitiful sleepy voice to color with her… how could I resist? (it doesn’t hurt that I love coloring)

she also wanted to help me cook… so I measured out ingredients and let her pour them into the bowls and pots – I made pancakes one morning and let her pour a couple onto the griddle… I don’t think my sister lets her ‘help’ much… she doesn’t have much patience for that kind of stuff, which sucks!!

my sister doesn’t have much of a sense of childishness and admits she doesn’t have patience for any of it… she hates cartoons, play-doh, games and messes and can’t understand why this kid hasn’t mastered the art of getting her food from her plate to her mouth without spilling some along the way – I guess she thinks she should have the dexterity of a 30 year old by now

a kid is only a kid for so long… it seems a shame to spend the whole time wishing they’d hurry up and grow to a point where they’re less work

she used to have a thing hanging on her living room wall that said ‘it’s never too late to have a happy childhood’

well guess what… it’s never too EARLY either!!

this is what upsets me the most about them living so far away… I think it would be nice if this kid had some people in her life that are a little…. LESS rigid and a little more… I dunno… child-like (while still being responsible) because right now she goes back and forth between two houses… the dragon lady (mom’s) and BoBo the clown (dad’s) one doesn’t put up with anything and the other lets her get away with everything… one is very strict about her diet and nutrition and the other thinks it’s ok to eat nothing but mac & cheese and pizza every day

I realize I don’t have the stresses and the pressure of being a single parent and having to deal with all of that stuff every day… which is what makes extended family so important (in my opinion anyway) especially for kids from broken homes!!

that is just how I feel about it… but I guess my sister gets her attitude from my mother – my mother also could never be bothered with childish stuff… she was never one for sitting down and playing or coloring or hell even reading a bed time story

I’ve always said I’m the most grandmotherly person that kid has in her life – because my mother is so NOT grandmotherly… and her other grandmother lives in another country

I’m the kind of person that would paint and do crafty stuff, bake cookies together and show her how to cross stitch or crochet… I think every little girl needs someone like that

anyway… we had a lot of fun and she clung to me practically every moment she was here - but I still had a hard time enjoying their visit because I kept thinking of how soon she would be leaving and it made me sad to think I won’t see her again for at least another whole year – if I could I’d stick her in my pocket and never let her leave hehehe

I just worry about her…

the day they left Sam and I had to go grocery shopping… where we shop, if you go on the weekend you have t get there pretty early in the morning or the place is MOBBED with city people who don’t seem to have the same manners as the rest of us

so we had to go out and I wasn’t sure if we’d be back before they left so of course I got all sad… and I’m the queen of the waterworks – although I WAS better this year than I was the last time they went home

I was ok (sort of) but I guess my niece could tell I was sad so she asked me why (she didn’t understand that when she left that day she wouldn’t be coming back)
so of course I looked down at her concerned little face and I lost it… I knelt down and told her I was sad because she was going home and I wasn’t gonna get to see her again for a really long time... she thinks 2 hours is a really long time so I reminded her of how long it had been since the last time she was in NY and then she realized it WAS going to be a REALLY long time and she got sad too

so I hugged her and cried a bit more… and she clung to my leg as I tried to make my way out the door, saying she didn’t want me to leave ~sigh

I did NOT want to repeat THAT scene so I kinda made sure we wouldn’t get home until they were gone – I felt like we said our goodbyes and that was good

but I guess I was wrong… later that night my aunt called (where they’re staying for the last few days of their visit so they can be closer to where my grandfather is) she said out of nowhere that the monkey started crying and saying she missed me… so she put her on the phone…

she sounded sad and said she missed me… then she asked: ‘why you not say goodbye?’ I told her I did say goodbye… before I left – but she wanted to know why I didn’t say goodbye before SHE left… I tried to explain that they were gone before I got home but I don’t think she quite got it =(

anyway speaking of my grandfather… the whole reason for my sister coming here when she did was because last week was his birthday…

I’m pretty sure I mentioned before that my grandfather has Alzheimer’s – he was pretty much ok until about 4 months ago when he seems to have completely lost the plot… before that (for about the last year or so he was just doing silly stuff like clearing his plate from the table and taking it into the living room instead of the kitchen because he’d get confused… but now it seems he doesn’t know what year it is or really even who anyone is – this came on very suddenly when you consider that most people with Alzheimer’s take years and years (often a decade or more) to get to this point and with him... well lets see – 6 years ago he took it upon himself to track down his high school sweetheart, a year later he sold his house and married her – he was FINE!!

it’s been pretty much down hill since then though – pretty gradually for the first few years and then BAM his brain turned to swiss cheese over the last 6 months to a year

it’s TERRIBLE… and he was having these horrible hallucinations and stuff… he spent about 6 weeks in a shit hole of a hospital but now they seem to have the hallucination bit under control and he’s living in a nursing home… it’s a very nice one though not your average yucky nursing home full of moaning people with bed sores (THANK GOD!!)

anyway – they were having a big birthday party for him and my sister came out for that… because at the rate he’s going, it’s very possible he won’t live much longer =(

the party was this past Saturday…

I think I also mentioned before that I suffer from PARURESIS aka shy bladder – people who know me often think it’s an issue with the cleanliness of strange bathrooms (because I also have germ issues) but that really isn’t it… I’m just completely incapable of peeing in unfamiliar surroundings (and often even familiar ones if there are too many people around)

I can sit on the toilet all day long – but my pee valve just shuts off and I can’t go… if I am forced to hold it long enough I can even have some trouble once I’m home again

anyway… as a result I usually don’t stray too far from familiar bathrooms (basically my own although I have been known to have Sam stop at his mother’s house for me to pee if we’re out too long in that direction)

when my grandfather got married 5 years ago, the wedding took place on long island (about 2½ hours away from kittyville) I had to cut off all liquids the night before we went down and not drink anything the entire day… by dinner time I was dehydrated and nauseated and working on a terrible headache... and even though it was pushing 90º and I was sweating most of the day… obviously your body still processes fluids so I still had to pee… it just wasn’t as bad as it would have been if I had consumed fluids

this is one of the main things that has kept me from going to visit him… period… not just since he’s been ‘sick’ but since he moved down there… I have not been back down there at all since his wedding… I’ve never been to his house down there… because I just CAN’T

well I CAN but it’s VERY uncomfortable and obviously unhealthy

for some reason now that he’s not doing well, everyone (particularly my aunts) have been on my case to go visit him – as if it’s somehow more important now (which I think is bull shit) but that’s another story…

anyway… I decided I would attempt to make the trip down for his birthday – mainly because I swore after my grandmother died and I missed her last birthday party (because I was a selfish, assholey teenager) that I would NEVER miss another birthday!!

so I did some reading about what kinds of gifts to get for someone with alzheimer’s and everything said either old music or photos (I was going to make him cd’s of those old radio shows I posted about a month or so ago) but I couldn’t get a straight answer out of anyone as to whether or not he had a cd player where he is… so my sister and I made him this great photo collage all of pictures of the two of us through the years… I also put on one of him walking me down the ‘aisle’ at my wedding

it turned out really nice…

anyway like I said I totally planned to go - I was all set… and then BAM I got my fucking period the night before the party!!

I don’t know if all girls are this way but I retain water like crazy for a while before my period and then when I get it it’s like the floodgates open and I spend the whole first day peeing like every 15 minutes

there was NO way I could be away from a bathroom for 8 or 9 hours

everyone says it happened that way because I was stressing over it, hoping it wouldn’t happen… maybe it was my body’s way of keeping me from an even more stressful situation haaaa

I don’t know… but it sucks… I wish I could have gone – now I’m convinced he won’t live to have another birthday (just like my grandma)

anyway (I say anyway A LOT) overall it was a nice visit with my sister and the monkey… like I said I wish it could have been longer… but I think Sam would have lost his mind… especially since we gave them the bedroom and he had to sleep on the couch all week – 3½ people and only one bedroom and one bathroom can get kinda hairy at times haaaa

but it was fun… I’m looking forward to their next visit… and maybe a time when the monkey can fly alone and come out here for visits without my sister – so she can sleep on the couch and Sam doesn’t have to give up his bed – I’m sure my sister would be glad to get rid of her for a week or two a year once she’s old enough

oh well I guess that’s all I have to say… this post has taken A LOT longer than I thought and 25 pounds of chicken are calling to be trimmed and packaged up for the freezer

YAYYYYY!!!!

when I said I was looking forward to life getting back to normal… that wasn't exactly what I had in mind