lucky...

I have a bit of cabin fever I guess... I get to feeling very claustrophobic when there's snow on the ground and I can't move about as freely as I'd like - when running errands and hanging out at the in-laws house sounds like fun you know you've been cooped up for too long hehehe

so Saturday we were out running errands and stuff for most of the day - by the time we got home it was kinda too late for me to cook (I was too lazy to bother) so Sam suggested we get pizza and wings (I may have planted the seed in his head... who knows) I’ve had a craving for wings for about a month now and I FINALLY got some!! so who cares where the idea originated now... all that matters is I got me some wings!! WOO HOO

I was pretty silent all the way to the pizza place - I've been that way a lot lately... just kinda blah I guess - not enough sunlight or fresh air... it's making me batty!! I wouldn't say I'm depressed but I'm definitely NOT my myself!!

anyway as we were pulling out of the parking lot of the pizza place there was a guy walking in… he was probably about 17 or 18, in kinda hip-hop attire I guess you could call it – he was walking funny, his pants hanging kinda low etc. - you know the deal

anyway he was pretty short with reddish hair and wearing a big green jacket and green cap which was on backwards

we both noticed him at the same time but before I had a chance to react, Sam... totally straight faced, says:

‘Where’s me Lucky Charms, Yo!’

I laughed so hard I almost fell out of the truck!! and I proceeded to laugh all the way home... jaw aching hysterical laughter!!

you kinda had to be there - I'm sure it’s not all that funny now… maybe it was just a winters worth of the blahs coming out all at once but if I had been drinking anything I would have shot it out my nose!! it struck me as that funny!!

seriously I STILL can’t think about it without laughing out loud!! haaaa

I so wish I had my camera with me so you could have seen this guy – then you would be laughing too!! not that it's nice to laugh at other people... nope it surely isn't

but if you are a short guy with red hair and you go out in public dressed in a green coat and hat you are kinda begging to be laughed at if you ask me!!

my father...

in addition to this week being my 2 year blogiversary (which I’ve given up caring about thinking of something to do to commemorate) it’s also my father’s birthday

I’m not sure how old he is… I think my mother said 57

my father wasn’t around for most of my life… my parents split up when I was about 4 – and from that point on I only saw him a handful of times – one of which I was so sick I barely remember it

usually when he would come to visit he would bring whatever girl he was dating at the time – I don’t recall caring about that… I reckon he did that to take some of the pressure off of himself… he’s kind of a wimp that way

he did the same thing years later when my sister and I saw him for the first time in something like 12 years – he brought his brother along for support

we went to dinner… after dinner he said ‘that was nice, we’ll have to do that again’ and I said ‘yeah… see ya again in about 12 years?’

his brother didn’t appreciate my humor… he reprimanded me for disrespecting my father – I believe my response was something to the effect of ‘knocking up my mother does not make him a father’

if you ask me it’s kinda hard to argue with that… but some people believe in this whole honor thy father and mother thing as if just because they were physically able to conceive children that they are somehow honorable

I can tell you that neither of my parents are worthy of my honor or respect… although I have more respect for my father for staying away when he obviously wasn’t in a place to be a parent than I do for my mother who selfishly held on to us when she had no right raising children

they say we marry men just like our fathers – I don’t think that’s true… not for me anyway – although I think Sam and my father have similar arguing styles… they both prefer to walk away rather than actually argue… I think that’s just a guy thing - they don’t seem to me to be alike in any other way

my father is a self-centered, immature child and Sam is nothing like that!!

my father is lucky I even speak to him at this point – my sister gave up on him a few months ago when she thought she and her daughter were going to need a place to stay for a couple weeks and he said everything to keep her from coming to his house without actually saying no you can’t come here

he doesn’t understand why she’s mad at him

even though she told him before her daughter was even born that he had one year to prove himself or he wasn’t going to be welcome in their lives – I think that’s fair… she didn’t want her kid sitting on the front steps waiting for a grandpa that never shows up – I can’t blame her for that!!

I guess I’m just kinda rambling here… but I was getting to something – in my life my father has given me 3 gifts:

1. good teeth & hair

2. a pair of frye boots, that never quite fit me – which he stole from a shoe store that was on fire (he was a fireman)

3. a Joan Jett record (because he had recently met Joan Jett NOT because he knew I liked Joan Jett… or whether or not I had a record player for that matter!! haaaa)

so in ‘honor’ of my father’s 50-somethingth birthday and because I still love… Joan Jett!! – it’s another TOTALLY AWESOME VIDEO

OUCH!!!

yesterday I had the worst headache I’ve had in… YEARS!! it actually started Monday night… I didn’t sleep well because of it and then it lasted all day… nothing I did seemed to help – so I did nothing!! I took a bath and then spent the rest of the day under a blanket watching lifetime movies haaaa

my head feels quite a bit better today but I’m still zonked out… and it’s one of those things where you don’t want to do anything for fear it will come back – so I’m kinda taking it easy… so if I’m not commenting much, that is why… not to worry though - I’ll catch up… slowly but surely hehehe

this week is my two year blogiversary WOO HOO – I had planned to do something special… although I don’t know what

I don’t have the energy to do another 100 things list – not that any of you want to see THAT haaaa – I considered wiping out my entire archives and starting from scratch… but that seems like work… now I seem to be out of ideas

this is the first thing (aside from the spousal unit) that I’ve actually stuck with for this long... so it seems like I should do something special to commemorate it – but what?

until I come up with something I’ll just show you this totally awesome thing I found which I MUST have!!!


it's a HANDY DANDY TOILET TANK AQUARIUM!!

ahh but that's not all!! – here is just one of the many other nifty things that could be done with the Fish ‘n Flush


I could change it for each season!! just think of how much fun my toilet could be... and what a conversation piece!! I would be the envy of the neighborhood with such a deliciously white trash novelty as this!!

I mean seriously... is that not the most awesomely tacky thing EVER?!! it makes me wish I had a dozen toilets!!

part two...

I should really learn to follow my instincts and not post anything on days where every time I sit down and start typing, the phone rings – I always end up saying what I don’t mean… or meaning what I don’t say… or something like that hehehe

I knew what I was saying the other day wasn’t coming out right – then I woke up in the middle of the night wanting to come here and delete the whole post haaaa it made me sad to think that by being unclear I made it sound like my husband takes me for granted or that somehow I’m unhappy…

what I was trying to say was that he has a few habits that occasionally make me feel like he’s taking me for granted – but at those times it’s really something else bothering me… whether it be that we’re not spending enough time together or we’ve been bickering for some reason… or who knows what

I have issues and for some reason once in awhile I get it in my head that every little thing is done personally against me I guess

so once in a while I fall into a place where I feel like if he REALLY cared about ME he’d stop doing these irritating things he does

which of course is ridiculous… everyone has habits that irritate the people they live with – they have nothing to do with the other person… it just is what it is

so sometimes he leaves a ring of milk on the counter or doesn’t clean out his pockets before his clothes go in the hamper

usually when I notice this I shake my head at him and wonder what he’s thinking – how can you not notice you spilled milk or that your clothes are jingling? hehehe

but I wipe up the milk or I take the stuff out of the pockets and (aside from money which I keep for myself hehehe) I put anything I know he wants aside - sometimes I consider throwing it all out… (cause that’ll teach him haaaa) *insert rolling eyes here*

sometimes I see the stuff in his pockets and I want to physically embrace the pants because I’m so full of gratitude that they are part of my life

but SOMETIMES (usually when I’m already having a bad day) the stuff falls out of the pockets and onto the floor… and then I bend over to pick it up and I stub my toe or bang my head on something and I curse him for being such a pain in my ass

I think this is totally normal (I guess I could be wrong… this is the only person I’ve ever been married to or lived with or picked up after etc.)

but when I get this way I usually start feeling sorry for myself – that’s when I start feeling like if he cared about me he would try harder to change his behavior

but like I said - EVERYONE has things they do that irritate others

I have several habits that I know drive Sam out of his mind!!

like the ‘snot rags’ I leave all over the house (wads of paper towel I’ve used to dry my hands but know I’ll find a spill to use them on later) or using his hair brush and not cleaning out my hair… or the fact that I’m super lazy about putting the laundry away… I use pillow cases for laundry bags to bring the clothes back and forth from my mother’s (where the washer and dryer are) and 9 times out of ten after stuffing the clean clothes into the bags I leave them there for days – sometimes until I need the pillow cases again to do another load of laundry – sometimes I just find another pillow case and leave last weeks laundry in the bags until they are practically empty

I KNOW this drives my poor husband crazy and I do it anyway… not because I don’t care about his feelings… it’s just a bad habit I have (probably because I’m here writing back and forth with you guys too much haaaa)

maybe when he’s fishing through the pillow case looking for a pair of socks he’s standing there cursing me and thinking I don’t care about him – I hope not… just like I’m sure he hopes I don’t think he doesn’t care about me

obviously having to rummage through a pillow case for clean clothes doesn’t keep him from wanting to have sex with me… having an eyeball hanging from it’s socket and a leg blown off wouldn’t keep him from wanting sex

it’s when I start letting that yucky ‘nobody loves me’ – ‘why is he creating more work for me?!!’ feeling, get to me and I start feeling like I need to drag him around by his hand and somehow train him out of his bad habits that I start feeling less submissive and more dominant which is a total turn off to me and that is how I start feeling less like wanting to have sex

but I think it’s more of an issue in my own head that needs to be worked out (or just let go)

so yes like Brian said my feelings are somewhat justified… in a way – but who among us is perfect? we all have bad habits… some are deal breakers and some aren’t

--------------

what I was thinking about when I was writing the last post was a friend who’s been dealing with a similar issue (which I was trying to avoid really getting into because it’s not my story to broadcast over the internet – but I guess since none of you know me or her it doesn’t really matter that much… right? – agree so I feel better about being a big blabbermouth!! hehehe)

they have kids and she stays at home – so in general she is happy to do 80% of the housework while he is off at work making the money… but expects him to do certain things like pick up after himself, change diapers, give the kids a bath or whatever he can do to make up that other 20% - and I think that’s fair… they have kids so the work never ends!! why should his job be over at the end of an 8 hour work day, while hers goes on well into the night?

she had issues with him not doing his share before – but now he’s been laid off for a month (just seasonal he DOES have a job to go back to in the spring so it’s nothing to get all depressed over… it’s more of a half paid vacation) but instead of doing more around the house he’s actually making things worse by getting in the way of her getting her usual work done

she calls me every day for advice I have no idea how to give because the truth is – my husband and I work very well together… he thinks her husband is an idiot and would be the first one to tell you about the fairness of dividing the workload in a relationship

for us – we have no kids and I don’t ‘have a job’ so I think it’s fair that as long as he goes to work to support us financially… I take care of us in my own way… making sure we’re properly fed, bills are paid and we’re living within our means and doing the housework (with the exception of the garbage – I don’t do garbage!)

BUT if he were laid off on a semi-vacation like thing (not in a situation where he needs to spend his days looking for another job) we should then split the work 50/50 (this happened once before)

I would cook the meals and he would put away the leftovers – I would wash the dishes and he would empty the dish drainer – I would wash the laundry and he would fold – etc.

he’s a freakin’ gem when it comes to this stuff – I’ve never known a more fair person in my life – I may have to remind him once or twice but he would never just not do anything or say I was asking too much – because we would sit down and discuss what we think is fair and if it wasn’t working we’d sit down and discuss it again

this girls husband on the other hand is a nice guy, he’s a good person, and a decent father in most ways… he’s not out partying or cheating and he spends time with his kids (although they’re boys… who knows what he would do if they had girls and weren’t into trains and action figures)

but he absolutely does take his wife for granted when it comes to taking care of the house and the kids

on the few occasions that she has left him home with the kids for the day she’s come home to a sink full of dishes and mess everywhere and then he gets pissed because she dares to say anything about it after he just spent his whole ‘day off’ chasing after the kids haaaa – as if she was out partying the day away (usually she would have been out getting the car fixed and doing laundry and grocery shopping on the these days because it’s the one day she could leave the kids at home) not exactly a day at the park - besides what the hell does he think she does all day on an average day? yet she still manages to do the dishes and cook the meals and everything else – in addition to ‘chasing after the kids’

when does she get a day off? you’re BOTH parents now… you don’t get another day off until the kids are old enough to take care of themselves

anyway - now that he’s not working she thinks (and I agree) that it’s only fair that she should expect him to REALLY do more… but he does things like take the kids out to play for a couple hours so she can get work done without anyone in her hair

he considers this to be doing his share and helping out - meanwhile he’s out PLAYING and spending quality time with his kids while she’s scrubbing out dirty toilets

when does she get to relax and play with her kids?

and if she says anything, his response is: ‘well you could have come too’

uh yeah… ok!! sure they can just sleep on dirty old bare mattresses and eat out of cans…

SOMEONE has to do SOMETHING… seriously who does he think is doing all this work… does he think elves are coming in to take care of everything while he’s taking a nap?

haaa sorry for that little rant hehehe – the whole thing really pisses me off though!!

although I think this whole scenario is actually pretty typical… judging from what I’ve seen other families I know go through – and the number of couples I’ve seen on talk shows pissing over the same argument

I wish I knew what to tell her that she could do or say to him to get her message across

yesterday she called and we were talking about ways she might try to deal with this… Sam overheard us and suggested she tell him that she’s feeling overwhelmed – I hadn’t thought of that…

whenever I tell Sam (or he just notices) that I’m feeling overwhelmed he does whatever he can to try to help… even though it’s often outside things that are making me feel that way (things like dealing with my mother or other family issues) he can’t help with those things so he does what he can to take some of the pressure off of me in other ways by helping with dishes or whatever

last night for some reason I was getting frazzled by a huge dinner I was making and he came to the kitchen to see if he could help – I’m not sure this is real remarkable behavior – after all it is what we should do for eachother… but considering the way I see other couples work (or not work) it seems pretty remarkable - I think we have a pretty good thing going

if I was watching a scene like this at my friend’s house it would be more like: her trying to scramble to get dinner ready - then after he turns his nose up at whatever she’s making… he somehow zones out, watching tv while the kids run amok and she would have to ask him (repeatedly) to do something with the kids so they don’t trip her and get something hot spilled on them – talk about overwhelming… it’s exhausting even hearing this play out over the phone!!

so anyway I told her what Sam said… and she said she has told him she’s overwhelmed… it doesn’t help

I know the deal… he gets a little better for a few days until he’s sure the whole thing has blown over and then it’s right back where they started – with her doing everything

she has tried the whole going on strike bit… but eventually she has to give in because these things need to be done (especially with kids in the house… you can’t just let everything go to hell) and he doesn’t seem to think ANYTHING needs to be done until they’re all out of food, dishes, clothes and they’ve gotten final disconnects on all their bills

it’s like he’s a child… it seems like nobody ever showed him how to function as an adult

guess what… none of us had lessons or took classes either… you just look around and see what needs to be done and you do it for fuck sake… preferably sooner rather than later!!

I hate to say it but when I get that occasional feeling like I’m being taken for granted I think of her husband (and the other husbands I know) …then I look at my life and I wonder how I ever got so lucky!!

so my husband has a few bad habits – none of them are deal breakers for me (it’s not like I’m finding lipstick on his collar or phone numbers in his pockets) I hope my ‘snot rags’ and lazy laundry habits aren’t deal breakers for him hehehe

the fact of the matter is there is always room for improvement… for everyone!! – but 99% of the time I feel totally loved, cherished and appreciated by him – and not just because he tells me all the time how much he loves me or how nice the house looks or how good dinner is or whatever – but because he shows me… in a million little ways every day… by working hard to take care of me and us, by being there and making the time that it takes to make our relationship work, by making me laugh and keeping me safe (especially when I’m crossing the street! hehehe) and so many other every day things that people sometimes take for granted… including me!

when people remark about how well we seem to work together and what a good guy I have – sometimes I joke around saying that he didn’t come out of the box this way… that it’s taken years of hard work on my part to train him

but the truth is we were both raised by wolves and it’s taken years of hard work on both our parts to overcome A WHOLE LOT of bad habits we were raised with... and I’m pretty proud of US!!

wiping a ring of milk off the counter is a small price to pay for even one day of feeling the way it feels to be his wife

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ok I knew that last post didn't come out quite right... but that's what I get for trying to write anything at all when I keep being interrupted... and then finally just posting it in a hurry because I'm fed up haaaa

anyway - stay tuned for part two

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

another comment turned post...

this started out as a comment in response to another comment over on Jocelyn’s most recent post - so to anyone who doesn’t read Jocelyn’s comments this might not make much sense and it probably won’t be complete – but I’m going to try and make it make as much sense as possible - this is something I’ve been trying to verbalize for ever but still can’t quite get it out right

the topic was turn-ons and Brian half jokingly said that his doing housework is a turn on for his wife

I thought it interesting that he should mention this today since I’ve been listening to a friend of mine do some hardcore venting about this very subject for the last 2 days

AND it’s something that’s been an issue in my own marriage for ummm… ever! athough it’s not even something I’ve been feeling particularly strong about lately (it’s always somewhat of an issue) and since it’s come up with two other people this week it kinda struck something in me that made me decide to vent on it myself I guess hehehe anyway…

**my specific response to Brian’s comment is that… if your wife is anything like me maybe she sees you doing housework as a sign that you care about her - ‘just knowing’ it isn’t always enough - and seeing physical proof that you are willing to do something to show you are thinking of her and to make her day easier, makes her feel closer to you

and you then take that to appear to be a turn-on for her because it frees her mind of the feelings of resentment (for lack of a better word) and allows her to actually want to have sex with you – if that makes any sense… in other words who wants to have sex with someone when that person has inadvertently thrown you 18 clues today that he isn’t thinking about you

for some reason people think that women are turned on by flowers and other assorted ‘romantic’ gestures - and I’m sure some are (don’t get me wrong I LOVE getting little surprises like that) but what I’m talking about is different

I’m talking about the every day stuff…

I think people feeling like their spouse could do more in one way or another is an issue for most couples actually and isn’t strictly a problem with D/s oriented relationships but since this is MY blog and I’m talking about ME - I can only speak for myself and how this particular issue affects me and my feelings of submission (although like I said - I suspect it’s an issue for all sorts of people)

anyway - I don’t feel like I ask much of my husband as far as housework goes… just the simple things like make sure your pockets are empty when your clothes go in the hamper or that you wipe up a spill on the counter if your milk accidentally splashes out of your bowl… or if the item you threw in the direction of the garbage can didn’t quite make it in, pick it up and try again – that sort of thing

when he doesn’t do these things (which is most of the…. errr often) I take it as a sign that he’s taking me for granted… it may just be that he has something on his mind and that doing whatever it is I think he should be doing, isn’t a priority to him at the moment - BUT unless he tells me that, I take it personally – how else can I take it… I mean if he doesn’t do these things, who does he think will?

and I gotta tell ya… nothing makes me feel less close… or less sexual for that matter, than feeling like I’m being taken for granted!!

I’ve tried the whole ‘treat him like a king - do everything for him’ approach… and sometimes it helps - but eventually I can’t help but feel resentful… because he’s a grown man and I’m not his mommy or his servant (not that there’s anything wrong with that if that’s what you choose) it’s just not for me

eventually I get irritated by wiping up his chocolate milk rings off the counter and turning his clothes right side out… because he’s a big boy and while I do feel a need to take care of him and our home in a certain (possibly not typical) way and the whole suzy homemaker thing is a very feminine and ‘submissive’ feeling thing in my mind - there comes a point where it feels inconsiderate and disrespectful of him to just assume that I should do EVERY LITTLE THING (even though I know that somehow it doesn’t even occur to him that these things even needed doing in the first place)

it certainly diminishes my feelings of submissiveness or being dominated by him if I have to feel like I’m nagging him or picking up after him like his mommy

this is a vicious cycle we are always going through which effects everything about our relationship including sex… because (at this point in my life anyway) I feel a need to be dominated… and having to ride the ass of the very person who’s supposed to be the dominant figure throws in a serious monkey wrench

dragging my husband around by the hand and pointing out his messes makes me feel like I’m the one enforcing the rules – and I often feel like it’s either that or I do these things myself… thereby allowing him to take me for granted

either way neither one of us is getting what we need

soooo while it’s not technically a turn on to see my husband doing housework – knowing that he cares enough to not just assume I’ll do everything makes me feel closer and more at ease with him and with our roles in this relationship

anyway this is incomplete and I’m sure it sounds nothing but whiney and bratty and all the other things I’m trying to avoid sounding like and probably still isn’t clear even to those of you who know what the hell I’m talking about – so I apologize for that… but I was just kind letting my thoughts flow that’s how it came out… and this is where they stopped - oh well - maybe I'll have more to say later...

snip snip...

I have kinda longish hair (usually) - because I can’t afford to have a professional style cut at a salon I just leave it all one length
because it’s long and all one length I tend to get a lot of knots and matting if I wear it down (it also hangs in my face a lot and gets on my nerves) so I usually put it up in a scrunchie - which I recently found out no self respecting 30-something would dare wear! haaaa as if I give a crap!

when I can’t be bothered with a scrunchie (because I AM THAT lazy!! haaaa) I just gather it as if I were going to put it in a ponytail… but I tie it in a bun-like knot on the top of my head instead

I know TOTALLY sexy right? all I need is a cardigan and a book and I’ll look like a true mental patient!!

once in a while I get tired of the ‘bun head’ and in a lightening fast act of insanity I do something drastic like give myself bangs! believe me there’s nothing cuter than poorly hacked, uneven bangs with multiple grey strands poking out all over the place!!

occasionally I still get a stray knot here or there and if I’m having a particularly hard time brushing it out I just take scissors to it… I figure my hair is always up anyway… nobody will ever even know!! haaaa

today was one of those days… I was about to get in the shower and as I was brushing my hair I found a knot I just couldn’t seem to handle… sooooo snip snip went the knot!

only I didn’t stop there!

(this is why they keep scissors away from children and mental patients!!)

now sure my hair is still all one length – but it’s chin length instead of down to the middle of my back – which you MIGHT think could still possibly look cute… a little bob...

like or this or even this

but I assure you… it will look NOTHING like any of these!! it will be curly and frizzy and uneven - most likely with awkwardly placed barrettes or something to try to make me look like something other than a dark haired TINY TIM!!

note to self: lock up scissors - NO BANGS... for at least 8 months!!

*cute bob cut images shamelessly swiped from HERE

P.S. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

weekend update #2117

this weekend I did absolutely NOTHING

wait… friday night we had friends over for dinner… I made calzones… but the wife is totally off carbs though so all she ate was salad and an apple – good grief!! fine with me… I’m all for anything that leaves MORE cheese for meeeee!! hehehe as if I need more cheese in my diet!!

Saturday morning I got my period – YIPPIE!! there’s more to say about that but it’ll only sound bitchy so I’ll keep it to myself

we did a little shopping – we went to Dicks… Sam bought bullets (keep that in mind you creepy stalkers out there!!) hehehe
we went to the health food store… we got oats, granola and laundry soap - WOO HOO!!

after that we went to Barnes & Noble – I like being there… you can read entire books without anyone caring or even noticing!! usually when we go there I read fangoria… since I’m too cheap to get a subscription - but this time a bargain bin cook book caught my eye… Sam is always after me to make Indian food and this book looks like it has a lot of workable recipes – so we got that… now I just have to make a list of all the oddball ingredients we’ll need… I have a lot of odd food stuff but I’ll need even more if I plan to make some of these dishes – of course I have no idea where I’m going to find tamarind paste or chickpea flour

Barnes & Noble is right next to Michaels so I also went there and bought myself two new drawing pens… only I wasn’t paying attention I guess and I stupidly bought the wrong size… now I have to return them someday - but Michaels is about 45 minutes away so I don’t really get out there very often… I’m kinda bummed about that since I’ve been avoiding drawing anything because I just know I’ll run out of ink half way through and lose interest in finishing by the time I get another pen

on the way home we stopped at a thrift store – they had clothing on sale for 25 cents so Sam was gonna try to get some work pants – they didn’t have anything in his size… BUT while he was looking through the cd’s he found Simon & Garfunkels greatest hits for $1… yes I know I’m a dork… but I LOVE Simon & Garfunkel and I have none… well I HAD none - we got that cd… so that made me happy

I also bought a puzzle… I swore to myself I would never again buy another used jigsaw puzzle because they’re always missing at least one piece

but I’ve had a bug up my butt for months now to do a puzzle – my aunt got me one for my birthday with this cute little puppy on it which I thought was very… odd!! she told me that my mother told her I was into puppy puzzles so I just nodded and smiled and said thank you… ya know totally full of shit with my joy for getting this weird ass gift

for 2 days I looked at this thing wondering what the hell my mother was thinking telling her that I’m into puppy puzzles

finally I asked her – she said ‘I didn’t tell her you’re into puppy puzzles… she asked what she could get you and I told her you had your eye on this puzzle version of dogs playing poker’

AH HA!! it made total sense now – my aunt just wasn’t paying attention…

a couple months ago my mother and I were at a flea market and I was looking for a puzzle and came across one depicting the classic dogs playing poker scene… I did what I usually do and battled with myself over getting it (I have a very very hard time buying myself things) since it was the first thing I saw that day and it was $15 I decided against it and have been kicking myself in the ass ever since

THAT is why my aunt bought me a puzzle with a puppy on it – GOOD GRIEF!!

I don’t know if I’m sick or just bored or what but I’ve been having trouble staying awake at night and I think if I have something to do to keep myself busy maybe I’ll get back into a normal routine instead of falling asleep at 7 and waking up at 3 – because I’m getting pretty sick of being up watching Dawson’s Creek and My So Called Life before the sun even comes up

so anyway I brought the puzzle home and counted it to make sure all 500 pieces were there… but instead of being short a piece or two it seems to have 6 too many!!

now I don’t know what the hell to do!! I looked at the box to see if it was one of those trick puzzles ya know… maybe it has extra pieces to throw you off – but it doesn’t say anything like that… so now I don’t know if I should bother with it or not

for 50 cents I have no problem throwing it in the burn can and pretending I never bought it haaaa

last night we watched The Crow… I had never seen it before – I know it was wildly popular at one time but I never had any interest in it… I started nodding off about 4 times that may or may not be due to the movie – I find myself nodding off a lot haaaa

the story was ok… certainly nothing original… but I’d probably watch it again just to give it another chance… preferably when I’m less sleepy hehehe

the acting was terrible but Brandon Lee looked kinda hot and Michael Wincott was in it… so far I’ve never seen a movie with him that I didn’t at least like a little… I LOVE him!! he plays such a great prick!!

I sacked out pretty early last night… as usual – I’m REALLY starting to hate that – I feel like I’m missing out on something… mostly time with Sam I guess… it seems like he gets home, we eat dinner and I fall asleep – and even though I sleep 8-10 hours a night it’s not great sleep and I feel like I could use a nap all day long

I slept pretty good last night though… then this morning I woke up mid orgasm which happens sometimes if I have to pee really bad – maybe it happens more that I don’t even know about… who knows?

I’m not dreaming about sex or anything though – it’s just totally spontaneous… like I’ll be dreaming about… I dunno… doing laundry for example… and BAM!!

it doesn’t happen when I’m awake and have to pee… if it did I’d drink a lot more water!! haaaa

it’s an interesting way to start the day anyway… oh well I'm babbling so I'll shut up

change... I still don't like it

all the talk of dolls in the comments below reminded me of something I’ve been wanting to get off my chest for a while…

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!

when I was a kid I would fantasize about waking up one day and finding myself in strawberry land – I had strawberry shortcake sheets and at night when I was having a hard time getting to sleep I would look at them and picture myself there living in a warm & comfy land where everyone seemed to smile all the time

nothing seemed to bother those kids… not that much bad ever happened to them… it just always seemed like such a sweet, wholesome, carefree place to be… and that sounded awesome to me!!

obviously as I grew up I found other things to fantasize about – like how to properly stalk Julian Lennon by writing him oodles of poems which I half-assedly translated into French so nobody (like my sister) could make sense of them and tease me for my obvious insanity

(I know… just when you think I couldn’t have been a huger dork I lay something like that on you!! haaaa)

anyway… I never really got over my fascination with strawberry land – but since their popularity waned and strawberry shortcake products eventually vanished from the shelves I had to rely on memories of my dreams of a better place

then one day many, many… MANY years later I started seeing butt loads of my beloved berry characters again at yard sales and flea markets – which could only mean one thing… well two things

1. strawberry shortcake is back in style!!

2. I’m old!! – a sure sign that you’re getting old is when the things from your childhood come back in style

but I didn’t care if I was old because clearly I’ve never grown up… I couldn’t wait to see all those sweet faces again… I even thought of getting myself a daughter to force my strawberry obsession on!!

imagine my disappointment when I realized that they were totally modernized!!

I guess the idea was to bring back and old favorite but make it look more hip and stylish

I mean I know I’m old but I can assure you, bloomers and bonnets were not the height of fashion when I was a kid!! yet somehow we still managed to enjoy strawberry shortcake and her friends just fine!!

I just don’t see why they needed to put them all in pants and sandals and take away all the kinda timeless charm of their old style

if we as modern kids of the 80’s could relate to them like this, then surely todays kids could enjoy them as well – I mean we wore jeans in the 80’s for cryin’ out loud – I sure don’t recall feeling as if strawberry shortcake was a bad example to me because her and her friends were oppressed and somehow forced into this prairie-style clothing… we thought it was cute!!

I think the worst one of them all is the huckleberry pie character who was kind of Huck Finn-ish in style when I was a kid (certainly not modern looking even for the 80’s!)

but here he is now… with his little skateboard - we had skateboards in the 80’s but did we need THEM to? noooo where the heck are his pie and his puppy?!!

ugh! I’m sorry – I’m rambling and I’m sure I’m the only one on earth who gives a crap about this sort of thing… but for some reason I can't quite put my finger on... it kinda makes me sad for the kids today

I dunno I guess I just don’t understand the point….

*pictures shamelessly swiped from various places around the internet

the princess...

all that groovy blue wasn’t working for me and I guess I missed all my pretty pinkness – really I’m sick of this too – but I don’t have the energy to redecorate right now

so anyway... Sunday is my nieces 3^rd birthday… it’s hard enough for me to figure out what to do about gift giving without having to deal with packing up and shipping gifts to people clear across the country - if they’re going to continue living so far away I’m going to have to start working on making gifts

although half the time that does NOT work out to be any less expensive

my PLAN for this particular birthday was an idea I had right after her second birthday – which is to write her a book

I know… that’s not too ambitious of me is it?

usually when I decide to make something I wait until the last possible moment to get to work on it… of course with a BOOK that isn’t possible which of course means it didn’t get done

you know how kids are – they get heavily into something and that is who they are until they find something else that interests them – currently my niece is into princesses… she thinks she is a princess (I’m sure that has nothing to do with the fact that we’ve been calling her princess for 3 years now)

so since I wasn’t able to actually write a book for her at the last minute I decided to do her up a big princess dress up kit – with a dress and little lip glosses and other assorted stuff – for two reasons… 1. she’ll probably (hopefully) just totally flip out when she sees it all and 2. it’s pretty light stuff so it shouldn’t cost much to ship – or so I thought

since I couldn't really afford to do everything I wanted to do and my mother had no clue what to get her - I had her go in on it with me... so she bought the dress and I got the rest

anyway here is a picture of all the stuff (clicky to biggy)

all the stuff around the dress (clockwise from the top)
I got her a musical princess card - when you open it up it plays some princessy song we've all heard but I don't know the name of - next to that is my mother's card, then there's a pink beaded necklace, a 'princess wand', a little baggy of yogurt covered raisins (shhhh don't tell her they're gross... she thinks they're delicious chocolates!!) , a set of 7 rings with princess pictures on them that comes with little gem looking stick on earrings, princess hair ties, princess numbers & counting flash cards, sidewalk chalk, fluffy pink barbie princess slippers, some eye shadow, glitter nail polish, and princess lipstick (I know she's a little young for make-up but it IS for dress up/play time after all) , a care bear chapstick because she also loves care bears, a little accessory bag with a little princess brush and mirror set, princess stickers

who doesn't love stickers? hehehe especially ME!! I almost opened up the one pack so I could have a sheet haaaa

we wrapped everything up individually in disney princess wrapping paper because at her age she likes unwrapping the stuff almost as much as the stuff itself...

anyway I hope she likes it... but I sure wish I could be there

bitch bitch bitch....

I promise to write something less bitchy soon!! for now I guess I just have to get this off my chest

I’m sure you’ve all been following my medical and consequent financial issues with great concern so you remember the post several months ago where I wrote about how nice my little doctors office is for having the intake nurse check my blood pressure periodically for free – if not… well that’s why I’m saying it again now – isn’t it nice of them to offer to check my bp periodically for free?

well… it would be if they actually DIDN’T charge me!!

since I went to a decent amount of trouble to apply as a charity case to get my doctors bill reduced by 50% and then I used the money I got for christmas to pay that bill in full I’ve been pretty excited to get that weight off my shoulders and NOT get a bill in the mail from them again any time soon

sooooo imagine my surprise when I got a bill in the mail from them on Friday saying that I owe another $15!! – I thought… GREAT another case of inefficiency for me to straighten out!!

I don’t know what it’s like for you but it seems that for me it’s damn close to the equivalent of at least a part time job having to make phone calls to straighten out all the little screw ups people make which if I didn’t pay attention enough to notice, would cost me money… and sometimes LOTS of it!!) ~ it would be interesting to see how much money the average person shells out every year that they didn’t actually owe but paid anyway when they didn’t catch the occasional little screw ups by people who don’t seem to know how to do their jobs – if this didn’t happen regularly to everyone I know with every utility and company that we ever deal with I would say ‘eh shit happens… we are only human after all’ but after a while you start to get tired of everyone’s fucking inefficiency…. ya know?

sorry – had a little side rant there I guess hehehe

anyway I was so busy flipping out over what I assumed was another case of some jackass screwing up yet AGAIN - that I didn’t even notice the date of service (January 29th) that was just last week!! the only thing I went there for recently was a quick blood pressure check that literally took no more than 1 minute!!

that means I'm being charged $15 a pop to have my bp checked - and according to the bill, THAT is reduced down from $30 because of my being a ‘charity case’!! so that means for most people a quick in & out bp check is $30 - I assume… if they have insurance they may be charging them even more than that but for now we’ll assume they charge everyone the same amount for the same service unless they qualify for a discount (like me)

do you think it's reasonable for an office to charge $30 for a 1 minute blood pressure check? I can check my bp at home - at CVS… hell even at the A&P… for FREE - the town hall and several local fire departments do monthly bp screenings for free as well - but since the doctors office actually marks this information down in my chart they can charge thirty #@&% dollars?!?!

since all these other people do this for free I’m thinking the cost for the use and general wear & tear on the equipment is pretty minimal – so I guess I can assume that the doctors office is charging $30 for the act of opening my chart and the ink that’s used to write the date and a few little (or not so little) numbers onto a piece of paper?

if we add up the time it takes them to locate my chart, pull it out, check my bp and write down the number - that seems a bit high for an un-measurable amount of ink and MAYBE 5 minutes of their time (which by the way is also MY time where I have to take my life into my hands stepping into their little germ factory)

I think it’s crap like this that makes the cost of medical insurance so high that half the damn country has to go without

I wasn’t completely off about thinking that someone at the billing place must have screwed up though - upon further inspection we DID discover a little problem – the bill still shows the last 5 or so charges marked with the appropriate 50% 'charity case' adjustments and then marked as paid by a zero in the balance column - however the charge directly before this most recent adjusted charge of $15, is a charge for $30 that shows no adjustment but is marked as paid – and since EVERYTHING I had done there SHOULD be discounted 50% I suppose that means SOMEONE screwed up and that I paid $30 for something that should have been $15!!

so now I get to spend 20 minutes on the phone trying to straighten THAT out today

on the plus side if all goes well, it will mean that they owe me a $15 credit which they SHOULD apply to my most recent charge – thereby bringing my balance back down to ZERO

now… how much do you suppose MY time is worth so I can tell them how much I REALLY think they owe me for bringing their mistakes to their attention and helping them keep their records straight?

another TOTALLY AWESOME VIDEO...

because I have nothing to say and because it's Friday

this is probably old but it's new to me - so there!! hehehe