jump in... the water's fine!!

maybe you’ve heard how much rain the east coast has been slammed with in the last week or so – I haven’t bothered to mention it (didn’t want to make poor Whirly jealous hehehe) - but incase you're interested, kittyville seems to be in some pocket of luck - we've had A LOT of rain but nothing like everyone around us - apparently there was even a tornado about 15 minutes from here!! houses are under water... people have even died from the flooding I guess!!

apparently whatever weather system we’ve been sitting under came to us by way of Ohio...

Natalie called me a few days ago – she was trying to figure out how to use her camera (for some unknown reason she always calls me to help her figure that sort of thing out)

it seems she wanted to document the fountain of feces that was spouting up in their basement!!

YES folks, you read right!! a literal FOUNTAIN of fecal matter was flooding their house!! the whole neighborhood actually…. apparently they had gotten several inches of rain the night before and flooding backed up the town sewer system right into everyone’s basements!!

she said you could actually see toilet paper floating around in their basement!!! can you believe such a thing??! apparently at one point the sludge was close to two feet deep!!

I would FLIP!! seriously I think I would have to move!!

the sad thing is – this has happened before!! at one point this was a finished basement… they had lived there before they ever got married and they were storing quite a bit of stuff down there once they had moved to NY – then, not this past January but the one before that, it was insanely rainy and they got word that the basement had flooded (with sewer water!!) they lost a bunch of their stuff

insurance was covering the damage (not their belongings) but so far they hadn’t gotten a chance to complete the work because they were waiting for the town to come and make sure the valve was working so that this wouldn’t happen again

I guess it’s somewhat of a blessing that they still hadn’t come, because that kept them from being able to do the work to make the basement ‘livable’ again (I gotta say…. if my apartment was knee deep in piss and shit…. NOTHING – NO amount of bleach would ever EVER make that place livable to me again!! ~ I would constantly feel like my house was contaminated!!)

but apparently there are things that can be done – for people who are less germophobic than me hehehe

so now… I know Natalie must be about to flip her lid…. they were planning to move into the downstairs area of the house (so they could have their own space) in about a month – right now they’re sharing the upstairs with her mother in law - but this has to have set them back months if not longer… like I said it had been about a year and a half since the last flood and the work still wasn’t done down there!!

she was telling me that the town is very blasé about the whole thing… like ‘golly gee ma’am the water has to go somewhere…’

but surely there are ways of having it go in a way that doesn’t cause a river of SHIT and PISS to flow through every house in the neighborhood!!

which then has to be pumped out into everyone’s yards and then washed down into the flooding stream out back!!

if NOT then I reckon that particular area isn’t suitable for human habitation, and they should never have allowed houses to be built there… because certainly THIS is NOT acceptable!!

her mother in law has owned that house for something like 12 years though and nothing like that had ever happened before until shortly after some work had been done on the sewer lines – so obviously someone screwed up

but apparently everyone in the neighborhood was willing to bend over and take it in the ass as far as having to deal with it on their own the last time – and SHE was one of the only people in town who actually had insurance that covered it!! I don’t know what the hell the rest of these people did to pay for the damage

I don’t know what it’s like in other places but where I’m from, people would be having a fit!! everyone in the neighborhood would be on the phone with lawyers trying to sue the town!!

and why the hell shouldn’t they?? normally that 'who can we sue' mentality makes me sick!! but if the TOWN sewer system has some kind of defect that’s causing a river of PISS and SHIT to periodically flow through people’s homes I would think they should somehow be held accountable

especially NOW that they KNEW about the problem from a year ago and never did anything to fix it… they had to know it would eventually rain hard again haaaa

so Natalie’s husband spent half the day on the phone with lawyers trying to find out what can be done (apparently a little NY rubbed off on him while they were here hehehe) he even called the local news station who say they plan to investigate and see what can be done – I hope it all works out for them

in the meantime I feel so bad for Natalie… I can’t imagine having to share a house with my mother in law…. I think I’d have to fight the urge to hurl myself into the fecal river every day hehehe

anyway can you believe such a thing? what would you do? is it REALLY the insurance companies responsibility? why should YOUR premiums go up when it's the TOWN'S fault? the whole thing just seems so crazy to me!!

better?

ok you probably won’t believe this story, I don’t think I would if it didn’t happen to me!!

I always hated going to WalMart… you probably do too, but after this story you might just change your opinion!!

anyway I was at WalMart one day rifling through the 2/$11 dvd bin, hoping to find something I don’t already have – I was just about to give up my search when BINGO there it was!! as if heaven had shined a light down on it for me to see, teetering on a pile of discarded copies of Elmo in Grouch Land…

a mismarked copy of Smokey and the Bandit!! I reached to pick it up, but instead of touching the shiny plastic case my hand grabbed another hand… I looked up to see who would be trying to swipe MY beloved cinematic masterpiece

suddenly it was as if life switched into slow motion (picture the first time Kermit and Miss Piggy met in the original Muppet Movie) my eyes slowly traveled up his arm, I examined his tattoos briefly – they seemed familiar

then as my eyes raised to meet his, my jaw dropped – I thought this ‘guy looks an awful lot like DAVE GROHL!!’

then I realized why those tattoos looked so familiar… it WAS Dave Grohl*… standing right there in WalMart trying to abscond with MY movie!!

I thought I’d faint – (hey it was a hot day and I hadn’t eaten yet ok!! sheesh)

but I knew if I fainted my hand would slip and surely when I came to he would be gone… and so would my precious $5 copy of Smokey and the Bandit!! NO I had to compose myself… a major bargain was hanging in the balance here

he didn’t look like he was going to let that movie go… I looked up and batted my big brown eyes at him

he smiled and said ‘what’s it worth to ya?’ I thought for a moment ‘about $5.50’

but, I picked my jaw up off the floor, looked down at the movie in our hands then back up at him and shyly stammered… ‘anything you want’

he laughed and flashed that big goofy smile of his and said ‘well… in that case!’ and he handed me the dvd and said he had something he wanted to show me – he told me he had to go find his friend, and to meet him out front

I quickly paid for my movie and made my way out front… of course I had to stop at the little Auntie Annes booth on my way out for some buttery delicious pretzel stix!! but THEN as soon as I had them I went outside… as I stood there waiting, slowly nibbling on the long salty rods of pretzel goodness a car pulled up and the passenger window opened… it was Dave, he told me to hop in

I did… and as I sat down I almost dropped my box of pretzels when I noticed JACK WHITE* was driving the car… I couldn’t imagine what the hell the two of them were doing together, shopping, at WALMART… but I wasn’t about to question it – I was just going along for the ride!!

shy as usual I slumped down in the back seat and offered them my last two pretzels… which is really saying something… you KNOW I like you if I offer you my Auntie Anne’s pretzel stix… they each took one and I sat back and sighed (partly because I couldn’t believe where I was and partly because I had no more pretzely goodness) then I realized my fingers were still slick with butter

as I slowly began to lick them clean I looked up and saw them both looking back at me in the rearview mirror – I thought briefly ‘it would be nice if SOMEONE was watching the road!’

I continued cleaning my fingers, sucking each one into my mouth, slowly savoring every drop of salty, buttery goodness – mmmm

it wasn’t long before we reached our destination, an old house just outside of town – they led me inside to a room with a HUGE screen with an awesome sound system… totally the kind of set up I would have if I could!! it was practically a movie theater in the living room!! I asked if they wanted to watch my movie – but they said they had something better in mind…

they both sat down on the couch and I plopped down on the floor between them – as Dave reached for the remote I looked over at Jack and noticed his fingers were all buttery too!! hmmm maybe all my buttery pretzel yumminess isn’t all gone after all, I thought – then I reached out and took Jack’s hand and told him if he wasn’t careful he was going to ruin the couch

he smiled a little I think… actually it was more of a cockeyed smirk – I touched his fingers to my lips to taste the buttery goodness – but the slipperiness made the tips of his fingers slide past my lips and straight into my mouth (helped along perhaps by my tongue pulling them in)

I watched his face as I knelt before him, licking his fingers clean – taking each finger in, one by one slowly sucking them into my throat… flicking my tongue at the palm of his hand

just then Dave sat back down, put his hand on my shoulder and said ‘I think he dripped a little on his pants’ I looked at him and winked… with my mouth I guided his hand down and stopped sucking long enough for him to undo his pants… I told him we should get them into the wash… but he just threw them in the corner (I guess he can afford new pants)

I looked up at his cock just inches from my face and I licked my lips… just as my lips touched him Led Zeppelin began blasting from the speakers – I sighed and sucked him in… tasting every inch of his cock as it got harder and harder, stretching my jaw

I looked at both of them looking down at me then I reached over and undid Dave’s pants with my one free hand… gently kneading at him with my finger tips

I pulled back a bit, letting Jack’s throbbing cock slip from my mouth before I turned and took Dave in, flicking my tongue at his balls as I sucked him into my throat

I went back and forth between the two for a little while… once they were both nice and hard they looked at eachother and back down at me kneeling there, my lips wet with saliva – they ordered me to take my clothes off – I did… then they each took turns fucking me while the other held my hands tight up over my head… their sweaty bodies pounding hard against me, driving my head hard into the couch behind me – I didn’t care… I was lost in my own little world

at one point one of them tied my hands up and instead knelt there holding my knees back, spreading my legs nice and wide for the other to fuck me even deeper – I was so wet there had to have been a puddle on the floor beneath me

this went on for a while… I came so hard so many times I lost count – then one at a time (as John Bonham’s Moby Dick drum solo started) they each sprayed me with their own hot load… I was completely covered… tiny rivulets of sticky, semen trickled down over my tits and down my tummy … pooling in my belly button and dripping onto the floor

afterward we all lay, panting in a sweaty heap… and I thought to myself…. I really should go to WalMart more often!!

--------------

* the preceding story was total fiction… completely made up to appease NSM (NSM requested a more detailed description of my Dave Grohl/Jack White FANTASY (I think that’s fair enough… I WAS a bit vague)

I’m not much of a fantasy kinda girl (so I kinda had to make this up as I went along) – so any similarity to actual events is completely coincidental… but if those events did take place and you have pictures to prove it, sharing would be appreciated!! hehehe

NSM's BIG prize...

well a WHILE ago I asked you guys to guess what THIS picture, drawn by my best friend’s 6 year old son was supposed to be of, and said the first person to guess got to ask me 5 questions that I had to answer

somehow I knew it would work out this way!! of course as luck would have it NSM guessed correctly (sort of) – that it was supposed to be 'Jesus and the other two dudes' on their crosses

it took him a while to get his questions to me and it’s taken me even longer to answer them

to be honest I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it – because I want to be honest and sometimes I don’t even know the answers to some of these questions… but I gave it a whirl and here is how it went….

1. What is your biggest sexual turn-on, the one thing *guaranteed* to fire you up?

having my hands forcefully pinned or tied above my head, a hand gently but firmly on my throat or covering my mouth – a struggle – being forced to comply – having my legs pried apart…. you get the picture

2. Describe a fantasy that you want to make happen.

a fantasy? ANY fantasy? to sit cross legged on the floor and watch John Bonham play – for hours and hours

but since he’s dead I don’t know - it would definitely involve Dave Grohl – big surprise there huh? and maybe Jack White… and a big screen looping John Bonhams solo during Moby Dick hehehe

3. What is your one desert island fuck song?

I’m not sure I really have one – if I have to pick one I guess at the moment I’d say Nickelback’s figured you out – go figure hehehe

4. You have mentioned on a few occasions that you like watchinglesbian porn; have you ever fantasized about actually doing it? Idon't mean just thinking about it, but actually fantasizing about it.

doing WHAT? lesbian porn?? NO! not being a lesbian I don’t think I could…. I think there’s a difference between lesbian porn and girl/girl porn (I mentioned sometimes enjoying girl/girl scenes) – but I don’t want to participate in either… I’m NOT into chicks

I have given some very MINOR thought though, to the idea of treating one like my bitch and making her do naughty things to me haaaa

5. What's your favorite sexual trick/technique/act you do that drives Sam wild?

sometimes just seeing me walk past him seems to drive him wild… but that’s probably just desperation hehehe

MY favorite thing I do that ‘drives Sam wild’ – is to make him chocolate chip cookies!!

HIS favorite thing would probably be if I could somehow simultaneously rub his feet and suck his dick while he pigs out on warm gooey chocolate chip cookies

so there ya have it… my half assed but honest answers – I tried!!

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .

ramble on...

I seem to have lost my oomph… I’ve been having a little trouble concentrating lately – maybe it’s the change of seasons or something… it seems like I’m running around a lot and nothing is getting my full attention

did ya ever just feel like you need to take a week and not leave your house… just to reorganize yourself and get things back in alignment – that’s kind of how I feel

it seems I get this way a few times a year… mostly when I find myself busy doing things outside my house (incase you’re easily confused like Brian, by outside my house I mean getting in a car and going elsewhere, NOT just stepping out my front or back door hehehe)

I don’t know what the heck I’ve been so busy with… it doesn’t seem like I’m doing much but I do know that I haven’t had much time to focus on this, and I’d really like that to change, so what should I do about it? hmmm

I need to start jotting down things I want to say here when they strike me, because by the time I sit down here they all seem to escape my brain – yet they are all things I need to get out… that’s probably part of my problem, I’m absorbing all those things instead of getting them out here

part of my problem is that I feel like I’ve been whining way too much… I think that is part of the downfall of knowing other people are here… in a way I do somewhat censor myself because if I’m feeling yucky I don’t want to bring anybody else down with me – and it seems like A LOT of people are feeling yucky lately… that’s generally my cue to do the exact opposite and try to bring everybody back up – interesting how my mind works isn’t it? (I know, not really!) hehehe

what makes me think it’s up to me to make everything better? I’ve certainly never been given ANY indication that this is within my power – yet somehow I feel like I HAVE to do SOMETHING!!

I’ve been that way all my life… whenever anything seems like it’s unpleasant I hop into action trying to make things better – if there’s nothing I can really do, I CLEAN

the other day I was so worried about Willow, my mother walked in the house (walked right past the cat and didn’t even ask how she was doing, by the way) – and she said ‘what are you cleaning the place out? it looks so free of clutter!’

well THAT is probably the first time she has EVER even noticed my efforts at ANYTHING – EVER! and of course it involves a slam at my place usually looking like the fucking unibomber lives here – thanks mom!

speaking of Willow though… we took her to the vet on Monday because she wasn’t really eating or drinking (or using the litter box obviously)

he seems somewhat mystified… he seemed to think that her small claw wound wasn’t enough to cause her limp… he didn’t think there was anything wrong with her shoulder, his best guess was that since she has a small scab on her leg that maybe she was clawed or bitten by that mangy beast and was developing a slight infection

however she didn’t really have a fever so he didn’t seem totally convinced… he did give her a shot of something like cortisone which he said would help with the inflammation and hopefully stimulate her appetite… it also had an antibiotic in it - he also gave us a liquid antibiotic to give her two times a day

she was getting around A LOT better yesterday…. pretty much like normal even though she’s still not putting that foot on the floor – she’s getting around with decent speed for only using three legs!!

she’s eating and drinking a bit more and she’s used the litter box a couple times, so I guess she’s improving… I’ll feel better when I’m sure she doesn’t have rabies or distemper!!

of course by the time she would show symptoms of rabies we’re probably all goners!! – THAT doesn’t make me feel any better!! I’m VERY nervous about all this!! =(

the internet DOESN’T help!!

I’d like to get a trap and capture that mangy beast and have it tested for rabies – THAT would make me feel better… obviously having a cat killed doesn’t make me feel better BUT knowing one way or the other would be nice!!

of course all that costs money… and as it is the vet bill was $71 – I still owe $130 to the doctors office from a month ago… and now Sam isn’t feeling well

trying to get him to go to the doctor is like torture!! and NOT the good kind!!

I totally understand his point of view… he doesn’t agree with the way medical doctors do things, and neither do I - this morning he said he doesn’t want to pay for a doctor – I told him I don’t want to pay for a funeral!! so we either need to find an alternative to a regular doctor or we need to suck it up because ignoring all our little physical problems is NOT going to make them go away!!

he’s been getting headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, yesterday he was complaining that his eyes felt funny – he said for a moment it felt like the earth had shifted – THAT DOESN’T sound good!! – of course I’ve had that too from time to time – it was probably from the heat… but I’m MUCH better at ignoring my own health problems!!

he’s been known to have heart issues before that nobody seems to understand the cause of so that worries me… anything involving headaches and any kind of lightheadedness COULD be heart related

he’s going to the doctor today – that’ll be another $80… plus tests

I KNOW he’s not happy about this!! BUT on the plus side… he gets to come home early from work today!!

thank GOD he has paid sick days!! - now if only he had insurance!!

the guy he works with keeps telling him he should be tested for Lyme disease – I’ve been telling him that for years!! a lyme test ain’t cheap though – I believe it’s something like $200 – we’ll see… I know him… he’ll ask and when she says THAT he’ll say NEVER MIND!! haaaa

never mind that lyme disease could kill you… or just make you wish you were dead!!

were we live MOST people you meet have had lyme disease at least once (even me!) it’s the ones that go untreated that suffer the most!! I caught mine early and I STILL have problems from it after something like 10 years now!!

I think a lot of his problems are from stress though… he’s probably equally or close to equally fucked in the head as me… and like me… he doesn’t seem interested in doing anything about it – what can I say? I’m not exactly one to talk about working on mental issues

anyway I said I was gonna ramble and ramble I did!! so now I guess I’ll shut up hehehe

hopefully tomorrow I’ll have more smiley stuff to talk about – or at least something less boring =)

my poor baby!!

the other night I was having trouble sleeping in bed, so I went out to try my luck in the living room – I have the worlds best recliner so I do this pretty regularly

not long after I came out here Willow aka Shmoo (my cat) started making noise, climbing on stuff and being a pest… I had just fallen asleep so I was kinda cranky – I told her to cut the crap and then I fell right back to sleep…

a few minutes later I heard a crashing noise, like something fell in the bedroom… I thought ‘she’s in trouble now!!’ I figured Sam was ready to break her neck…. he slept right through it

I had to pee so I got up and went… while I was sitting there in a sleepy haze – trying to stay half asleep so I could crash right back out again when I was done I heard a wounded cat noise – you know the sound

wrooowwwroowwrrr

I snapped wide awake when I suddenly realized what that crashing sound was – the screen had fallen out of the bedroom window!! since we have tons of coyotes here, immediately I was convinced that the wounded cat sound was my poor baby being dragged off by a coyote!!

I woke Sam up and told him the screen fell out of the window and that Willow was gone and I’m sure she’s been eaten alive by a pack of rabid coyotes!! but just incase – we HAVE to go look for her….

he springs out of bed like a dingo has just stolen his baby and heads out back in his underwear to look for her

but while we were standing outside the back door I heard another cat sound out front…. it sounded like fighting – so I turned on the light out front (the only outside light we have) and went to investigate and what did I see but a mangy old stray cat strolling right by me

‘you better not have hurt my baby’ I though!! – but what I said was ‘hey there kitty!’ like I was happy to see him ~ DUH!!

in a way I was though… now I at least thought Willow was NOT dragged off by a gang of satanic fire breathing coyotes!!

I ran in and told Sam I thought she was under the car – because that’s the direction I saw that mangy beast take off from…

while I stumbled around looking for a flashlight and giving Sam crap for ‘misplacing’ ALL of them!! he went out front and found my poor baby cowering in the weeds!!

he carried her inside and put her down… she was covered in these sticky little BB sized bur thingies and weeds… she didn’t look cut or bitten but she seemed to have a tiny little limp

we pet her and told her she was safe now and let her clean herself off and we went back to bed – I laid there getting mad… first I was kicking myself for asking if Sam was cold when I got up to go in the living room, if I hadn’t bothered, this would never have happened!! if he wasn’t cold I wouldn’t have taken the fan out of the window and she wouldn’t have been able to sit on the window sill and poke her nose against the loose screen looking at the mangy beast outside!!

then I thought, if the screen wasn’t bent it wouldn’t have mattered!! this is my mother’s fault for renting us a place with defective screens!! YEAH!!! grrrrr!!!!

then I started to worry…. she had been to the vet right before we moved out of our old apartment… but when the heck was that?

I know when we moved I spoke to the vets office and gave them a change of address… but I’ve never received any notices in the mail saying she was due for any shots… I just assumed she wasn’t – I didn’t worry since she’s a totally inside cat anyway

but now that she was out there and possibly tangled with this mangy beast I got concerned… is she overdue for any vaccines? when I got up in the morning I looked through my records and couldn’t find anything that said she had been to the vet at all since 2001 – although I’m pretty sure she had been there in at least 2002

I called and they said she’s been overdue for rabies and distemper since 2002!!!

I asked why I never got a card in the mail telling me she was due for anything… she asked if I still lived at 001 cemetery rd.

I said NO it’s cemetery LANE!! – but she had realized that half way through asking, since this is such a small area and cemetery lane is such a main road around here… she said it must have been a typo when it was put into the computer and if humans were the ones to make out the cards that typo would have been caught!!

GREAT!! unfortunately knowing that doesn’t save my poor cat’s life if that mangy beast was diseased!!

yesterday I had to go out for a little while and I spent the whole time worrying about Willow… is she gonna be ok? will she get sick? will she start foaming at the mouth? is her leg broken? by the time we got up yesterday morning her limp had gotten quite a bit worse

we called a friend of ours who has a friend who’s an emergency vet who makes house calls… and the guy was nice enough to stop by on his way home from work…. it was just a few minutes out of his way

once I managed to drag her out from under the couch (she runs like a lunatic when strangers come in the house) he looked her over, he said nothing was broken but that it looks like one of her claws was ripped out slightly and that her shoulder on the same leg seems sore (probably her claw got caught in the screen as she fell out the window and she most likely twisted her leg trying to get loose) – he also said he didn’t see any open wounds – but that cats are very quick to heal over things like small puncture wounds and that I should keep an eye out for any wet spots or anything that looks bloody or oozey!! ~ ewwww

because often small wounds like that will fester from the inside and abscess, in which case she’ll need to have some antibiotics

unfortunately he also said that if that mangy beast had any diseases that she wasn’t covered for that it was too late to do anything about that – so we would just have to wait and see… we might as well wait a few days to take her for those vaccinations so we can avoid having to make two trips, incase she does wind up with an abscess of some sort that she has to go in for… of course in my mind I think ‘or incase she’s a goner, we wouldn’t want to waste our time on vaccines for a cat that’s about to be dead of some horrible disease anyway!’

from what I understand, distemper would present itself in a few days with horrible diarrhea and stuff so there’s no mistaking that

he said normally you would quarantine an animal for 10 days to make sure it doesn’t present symptoms of rabies… but we’ve all come in contact with her already and I have no intention of letting her get anywhere near outside….

not that she wants to… ever since this happened she’s been laying around the house like a lump!! her limp is pretty bad so she obviously doesn’t want to move around too much

she did climb up on the couch by herself while I was out yesterday… and when I came home I did the tuna test

I went in the kitchen, grabbed the can opener and popped the lid on a can of tuna – usually she comes running and starts weaving in and out of my feet trying to trip me so I’ll drop the can and she can have a grand feast hehehe

she made it off the couch and half way to the kitchen – but I told her to stay there and I would bring her a bowl of ‘tuna juice’ (the water from the can) it’s her favoritest treat ever!!

she had some and then went back into the living room to veg – a little while later she made her way back over to the bowl and ate half the tuna I had put in there as an extra special treat!!

I thought… that’s a good sign!! =)

after that was when the vet showed up and started poking at her though… which only traumatized her more AND seems to have made her shoulder even more sore!! =(

she spent the night lounging out in the living room, sleeping in between being petted by mommy and daddy (that’s me and Sam) hehehe

this morning after I petted her awake and then went to wake up Sam she got herself up and managed to get to her litter box which is clear across the house – then she went in the bedroom and greeted Sam…. while I was making his breakfast she climbed up into the closet all by herself – it’s 10:30 now and she’s still there

I figure in a little while I'll do the tuna test again and see if she comes around looking for her treat – keep your fingers crossed

I’m so worried I’m gonna wind up with a fluffy little CUJO we’re gonna have to kill before she kills us

that won’t happen will it? she’ll be fine… right?

I’m still pissed at the original vet for not picking up on the fact that our reminder cards kept being returned to them – if they had looked at he address they would have KNOWN and could have fixed the typo, ya know? fucking computers… oh yeah.. they make everything simpler don’t they?! grrrr

anyway if ya thought I was a nervous wreck before - you should see me now!! =(

YUMMY...

Sam and I were talking about something the other day… I don’t remember what… he mentioned Dave Grohl and everything else just flew right out of my mind hehehe whatever it was I’m thinking it had something to do with fantasy fucks – we were talking about mine (being Dave Grohl and Matthew McConaughey)

I tend to not really have normal taste in guys, Matthew McConaughey is the exception – I’m quite sure I’m not alone with that one!!

but for the most part I get little crushes (or obsessions) on guys based on odd things… like their voice or their hands or just the way they move…. their mannerisms – if they look like they know how to handle a situation - if that makes any sense hehehe

I guess Sam assumed when it came down to it I’d surely go with Matthew McConaughey over Dave Grohl… he seemed surprised when I said it would be Dave all the way – not that there’s anything wrong with Matthew McConaughey… in fact if I had been watching a time to kill instead of listening to the foo fighters it may well have gone the other way – of course I’d rather not have to choose between the two – can’t we all just get it on?

wait that’s not how that quote goes is it?

I know I’ve mentioned my little obsession with Dave Grohl before, but since I’m once again listening to the foo fighters and I’m at a loss for anything else to say at the moment I just had to mention it again… I swear I can’t look at that man without wanting to just bite him!! – yes I know I’m a weirdo….

seriously… if I was 11 I’d have pictures of him hanging all over my walls and I’d kiss them every night before I went to sleep…. SERIOUSLY – I want to have like 10 thousand of his babies!! that’s A LOT of babies… so Dave if you’re reading this – we really better get started… tic tock – I’m not getting any younger ya know!!

a while ago LiVEwiRe mentioned wanting to do naughty things with him… I told her she’d have to wait her turn… but I like LiVEwire…. she’s a cool chick – so I’ve given it some thought and I’ve decided that we could share him… I mean I’m not really into chicks but I’d make an exception if it meant more time with my precious… err I mean Dave

I mean look at him…





crimenies... really I just want to chomp down on him like a pork chop!!

well not JUST… there are plenty of other things I’d like to do to him…. or have him do to me hehehe

anyway Dave… if you happen to google yourself and come across this post…. let me just remind you of this quote: I think it was Nikki Sixx who said ‘chubby chicks give the best head’

‘nuff said

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I salute you… mr. hilarious bud light radio spot creator guy!!

seriously, whoever came up with the whole ‘real men of genius’ thing IS a fucking GENIUS!! I look forward to hearing those ads more than half of the actual music they play on the radio anymore….

when else in the history of advertising has anyone ever hushed someone or turned UP the volume to hear a commercial better?!!

I swear I get all giddy when a new one comes out!! not that I ever really tire of the old ones… I could listen to them over and over and over again hehehe

of course I really appreciate the entertainment!! but the only way they’re getting any money out of me is if they put out a cd of all their crazy songs – no amount of rolling on the floor laughing my ass off (or should I say rotflmao? haaaa) is gonna make me buy bud light… or any beer for that matter – we still have a 12 pack of rolling rock sitting here from the anniversary party which will probably still be here when we hit twenty years!! hehehe

but guess what… I don’t have to buy a cd of all their crazy songs!! ahh ya gotta love the internet!! you really can find ANYTHING – so, mr. excessive blog hopper guy (or girl) for your comic enjoyment, because things have just been too damn heavy around here lately – crank up your speakers and have yourself a laugh

the ultimate fantasy ~ mr. mannequin dresser upper

is that a banana in your pocket?
~ mr. supermarket produce putter outer

aye, carumba! ~ mr. giant taco salad inventor

if you’ve got it, flaunt it! ~ mr. tiny thong bikini wearer

have a GREAT weekend!!

let there be songs to fill the air....

well I don’t know what the heck I did to myself this time… but I can barely move my left thumb it hurts so bad!!! the pain is actually where the fleshy part below my thumb meets my wrist, but it makes it so I can’t grip, pull or reach very well – even just typing is causing me pain =(

maybe I can just peck around with my right hand…. I’m a pretty quick typer even with one hand hehehe

so anyway the other day I said I was gonna tell you about my best friend Natalie

Natalie and I have been friends since kindergarten – that’s almost 30 years now!! when people first meet us they think we’re sisters – I think we even have her kids confused!! hehehe

of course we had our moments in high school where we’d part company (usually over a boy or something stupid) but we’d always get over it and make up

one time I tried to beat her up because she wouldn’t write a dirty note to a boy I liked (because she liked him too… which I knew) I say tried because she refused to hit me back so it wasn’t much of a fight

one time she got drunk and tried to kiss Sam – so I guess we’re even hehehe

when we were about 9 I guess, Natalie had these weird gloves (remember that weird puffy, pleathery stuff they made coats and gloves and stuff out of in the early 80’s?) anyway she had these gloves made out of that stuff, and each finger was a different color ranging from dark brown to tan and cream – I called them her ice cream gloves - because they reminded me of ice cream of course hehehe (everything reminds me of food doncha know!) so I would lick the fingers of her ‘ice cream gloves’ – obviously I wasn’t quite such a germophobe back then hehehe

until 5th grade she and I were in the same grade – then she got left back and wound up in my sister’s grade – they were good friends too…. she often switched back and forth between us - a lot of my friends did that… probably because I’m good if you wanna kick back and veg but my sister was a little devil, she was good if you wanted to cause mischief

but often the three of us would hang out together – we’d go to the mall and scope out guys, spend hours destroying the ozone each with our seemingly endless supply of aqua net… man I kinda wish I could show you pictures of the three of us back then… it was quite a frightening sight!!

well they were more frightening than me I think!! hehehe

we all shared guys too which is kinda gross but this is a small town… there’s no way you can escape your teenage years without having slept with at least ONE person either your sister or one (if not all) of your friends slept with!!

we skipped a lot of school together – often times when Natalie had to take her car in for a check up we’d skip school and do that and while we were waiting for the car we’d wander around this huge antique shop and dream about some day being able to afford the junk they were selling – sometimes we’d go pick Sam up at his school and we’d all go to the mall or just drive around – we had a lot of fun!!

shortly after high school she got a bug up her butt to travel around the country chasing after the grateful dead (what was left of them anyway) she took off one day and was gone for a few years… I was so busy working in my mom’s store and I was so sick all the time with my migraines and hives that it didn’t phase me much that she was gone. I mean sure I missed her but we were caught up in our own crap - every month or so I’d get a post card from some crazy place saying she was at some crystal mine or soaking in some hot springs somewhere

she did come back at some point… just long enough to be the maid of honor at my wedding, so that was nice!! but then she was right back out there again…. while she was out there traveling around with the rest of the dirty hippies she met a guy - she got pregnant and between me, and her mother and the rest of her friends here we convinced her to move back home where she would have a decent support system – no young pregnant woman should be without her mother or best girlfriends!! – so she brought her new ‘man’ (he was only something like 20 at the time!) - and together they set up house in the unused portion of her mother’s two-family house

after the baby was born they got married (she had this medieval wedding and she made me wear this hideous HOT dress)

for the first time the two of us were out on our own playing suzie homemaker – well I had been at it a bit longer so she would always call me for advice – or to ask how long to cook a meatloaf or just to bullshit – she had been out on the road so long not having to deal with utilities, bills, grocery shopping etc. she didn’t know where the good deals were - she was nervous about having a baby… we spent A LOT of time on the phone… and out at yard sales trying to get all the stuff she needed for the baby – we became yard sale buddies, shopping buddies, buffet buddies, diet buddies (well we had always kinda been food buddies whether it was binging or dieting), phone buddies etc.

after she had the baby (Spaz) she went back to school, I took care of him while she was at school and her husband was at work – as soon as it was warm out, we started training the baby to be a good yard saler too hehehe until she had another baby anyway – it’s kinda hard to go yard sale hopping all day with two little kids

even still over the years (it’s been about 7 years since she came back) we stuck pretty close – we did pretty much everything together – all the stuff that the guys want no part of anyway hehehe

and we’d spend hours on the phone almost every day, getting our dishes done together and other chores around the house – even though she only lived around the corner!! between the two of us, one was always planning some kind of get together or party – then we’d spend hours on the phone discussing food and decorations…. which we managed to do right up until the end… I was planning the anniversary party – she was planning to move (why was she moving? it’s a long story but the gist of it is, because her step-father is an asshole!!) – we had lots to discuss – all sorts of problems to solve

we managed to squeeze in one last shopping trip – she needed stuff for the move, I needed stuff for the party – and when the party day finally arrived I knew it was the last time I’d get to see her for a LONG time!! they planned to head out the very next day – I pretty much avoided her all day – every time I looked at her I just wanted to cry

I mean I knew it was coming, she’s known for sure that they were moving for several months…. I just kinda kept hoping something would change and she wouldn’t have to go – well nothing changed =(

they had been talking about moving for a couple years… but managed to keep putting it off – at least until one last straw finally broke the camels back, and since it’s financially impossible to live around here without getting cheap rent from family (family you can tolerate that is), they couldn’t pass up the opportunity live rent FREE for a while – with her husband’s mother in Ohio… with any luck it will give them the break they need to be able to buy their own house soon!! if this move does THAT for them then I’ll be happy!!

I talked to her that night after the party, I had some stuff of hers she needed to pick up and she had some stuff she was giving me – I couldn’t deal with saying goodbye - so I left her stuff outside my front door with a note – I know – how totally lame right? I’m such a wimp like that…. I just can’t deal with goodbyes

I know this might come as a bit of a shock to you guys (ha ha) but I don’t have very many friends… in fact besides Sam, Natalie is pretty much it (I say that because I’m pissed off at my only other friend) but seriously that’s it – Sam, Natalie and this other guy I’m pissed off at hehehe

I don’t take friendship lightly so I don’t make friends easily - everyone in my life has been there since I was no older than 15 or 16!! therefore I don’t expect to go out and get a new buddy… so Sam better just get used to going to flea markets and yard sales and eating at Chinese buffets dammit!!

anyway, it’s Thursday now, Natalie left on Monday… I haven’t given myself a chance to process it – every time I think about it I just want to cry – I was blaming that on PMS but my period is just about over now so I guess I can’t use that excuse anymore huh? hehehe

I was just starting to worry about her but she called me a few hours ago – just as I was on my way out the door of course – I haven’t called her back yet… I think I’ll go do that now before I short out the keyboard!!

P.S. did I mention that the day before Natalie left, my sister informed me that she’s definitely selling her house and moving to Arizona? she’ll probably be gone by fall – nice huh?

for Natalie: Grateful Dead ~ Ripple

the party...

well we totally pulled off our anniversary party!! we ended up with about 30 adults and about 5 kids – I was shocked!! almost everyone actually RSVP’d!!

I’m not gonna dwell on the couple people who waited until the day before the party to let me know that they intended to come….

the food - I wound up spending about $85 on food and other food related items – as usual I was afraid we wouldn’t have enough but we wound up having PLENTY!!!

we had fried chicken (I already had about 20 drumsticks and a few breasts in the freezer) – BBQ shredded venison (already had the roasts in the freezer) – we also had burgers and hot dogs – fruit salad – chips – soda – baked beans – and desserts including a GIANT cake I made - yellow cake with fresh raspberry whipped cream

my mother made potato salad, pasta salad, fresh squeezed lemonade and a pitcher of fresh brewed iced tea incase anyone wanted something other than soda to drink – she also made a key lime pie – also her boyfriend made the most awesome totally KICK ASS cheesecake!!

my friend Natalie made macaroni salad and she brought pickles (she needed to clean out her cupboards since was moving the next day =( but that’s another post in itself!!

so here’s the grocery list:

5 pounds ground chuck (20 patties) - $10
24 nathan’s skinless 100% beef hot dogs ~ 9.92
watermelon ~ $5
kiwis – 5/$2
pineapple - $2.49
bush’s baked beans – not sure but I think it was $5 for 4 cans
(I doctored them up with stuff I already had in the house)
BBQ sauce (for shredded venison) - $2
heinz ketchup $1
gouldens mustard - $1
12 pack 7-up $2.50
12 pack A&W root beer - $2.50
two 12 packs of pepsi - $5
2 liter Sunkist orange 97 cents
big bag ruffle chips $1.50
GIANT bag pretzels $1.50
big bag nacho cheese chips $1.28
big bag tortilla chips - $1.28
heavy cream to make whipped cream frosting for the cake – $3
butter for cake – about $3
flour for cake and fried chicken - $2
200 paper plates - $6.50
100 plastic forks - $2.28
48 – 16oz cups ~ $2.26
80 - 9oz. plastic cups ~ 2.07
buttermilk for fried chicken $1
rolls ~ about $8

so it’s true if you use your noggin you CAN feed 30-40 people on $100 or less!!

it looked like rain all day but we only had one shower that sent everyone running into the house…. BOO!! - it only lasted about 5 minutes though and then they were all right back outside again – YAY!!

I really didn’t expect it but everyone brought gifts!! well almost everyone - that was a nice little bonus – we wound up making money off of this deal rather than not having enough – that is always nice!! hehehe

most of what we got was cash and gift cards which are GREAT!! money is ALWAYS appreciated!!! hehehe but my sister gave us one of my favorite presents EVER!!! when my grandfather sold his house and moved away he gave her his record collection and in it was a copy of THE HOBBIT complete original soundtrack (including dialogue, music and songs) it’s a special edition set that comes with 3 records, a 16 page book of color illustrations from the movie, a poster and a sheet of iron on transfers!! it’s just the most coolest thing ever!! hehehe she was going to give it to us for christmas but forgot so she saved it for an anniversary present instead – YAY!!

now I’m REALLY kicking myself for selling my record player!! hehehe

and my aunt and uncle gave us movie tickets and a gift certificate to the snack bar which was nice since going to the movies is kind of an anniversary tradition we’ve had since our honeymoon got rained out…. so yesterday we went and saw The Da Vinci Code and gorged ourselves on popcorn and soda – we usually try to see two movies, but instead of seeing two movies in the theater, after that one ended we went to Target to use one of our gift cards, and bought Blazing Saddles for $7.50!!! we went home and pigged out on leftover BBQ food and watched that (until I fell asleep anyway)

all in all it was a really nice day – although gnawing at the back of my head all day was the fact that my best friend was moving the next day – every time I thought about it I got sad, so I wound up basically avoiding her all day!!

other than that it was a really nice day though!! hehehe good food, good friends, mostly good family hehehe – so I’ll leave it at that… and tomorrow or the next day I’ll blab on and on about how sad I am that my best friend moved away and left me all alone =(

DING DING DING ~ WE HAVE A WINNER… sort of

so the question was: my best friend’s 6 year old son drew me a picture the other day – what is it supposed to be of?

and you all had very good guesses!! his family would be the logical guess…. that’s what most little kids draw, I think (I don’t think I ever did, but I wasn’t a normal little kid – I repeatedly tried to recreate this weird picture of some Victorian woman that hung by the front door of the love shack my mother shared with the pedophile while they waited for his wife to move out of his house – that’s my take on the situation anyway hehehe) so anyway I’m probably not a great judge of what’s normal for children to draw – especially since I don’t have kids (we all know what a bad judge of children’s behavior that makes me!)

some other guesses were Freddy Krueger or Edward Scissorhands – those make sense too…. the fingers and toes (I think) are pretty disproportionate!! well aside from the guy on the left, who doesn’t seem to have any toes at all!!

I was just about to give up when NSM finally figured it out… kind of hehehe
he guessed it was ‘Jesus and the other two dudes on the cross’ but then decided that they all looked too smiley for that… but since he’s the only one that even thought of that (and said anything) he’s the big wiener… err I mean winner

I don’t know about the other two dudes… but apparently Jesus was happy to die for our sins, so I guess that explains HIS smile at least

I had thought that maybe those weren’t fingers and toes, but drips of blood, like Jesus has coming out of his mouth but Sam tells me that wouldn’t be historically accurate since the other two dudes were only tied, they weren’t nailed – what do I know? - although I'm pretty sure I never noticed Jesus bleeding from the mouth in any of the pictures I've seen either - I guess they prettied him up for the pictures because I would imagine you'd be bloody all over after the beating I saw in 'THE PASSION'

so the disproportionately long phalanges are still a mystery… as is the fact that Jesus and the other two dudes seem to have spiked hair!! but hey the kid is 6 what can we expect? hehehe but I’m with Mimi – Jesus and the other two dudes on the cross IS pretty deep for a 6 year old!!

they’re not overly religious people I don’t think… I mean they make an effort to go to church every week, he goes to sunday school, they say grace before meals and prayers at night… which all may seem a bit out of the ordinary in this day & age… but it’s not over the top fanatical behavior – kids are just funny I guess

when I was his age I wrote a letter to God asking him to take me to heaven… I remember spending so much time trying to figure out what heaven’s zip code would be!! I finally decided on a series of ones and zeros – why? who knows!! I figured they were the purest numbers – whatever that means!!

so maybe this whole picture thing isn’t really all that odd after all… I mean I grew up in a family that didn’t even talk about God, let alone go to church or sunday school or any of that – maybe kids just KNOW something that we lose as we get older….

anyway… I’m a little worried about what NSM is gonna make me do – go easy on me man… I’m kinda fragile lately!! hehehe