what more can you do?

I recently saw something interesting hanging on my friend Natalie’s refrigerator that I wanted to remember (and share with you) – of course in this day and age who the heck has pens and paper? well she does, but then she doesn’t have internet access haaaa

anyway I didn’t want to stand there in the middle of her crowded kitchen at her kid's birthday party taking notes – so what’d I do? I took a picture of course!! hehehe



this just reminded me of the kind of person I want to be.... that I TRY to be ~ I obviously don't always succeed but maybe if I keep this around it will remind me to do more... more often =)

fears - I have a few....

phobia, noun: an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation.

bathmophobia, dromophobia, ornithophobia, necrophobia, misophobia, social phobia, numerophobia , driving phobia, arachnophobia – or you could just say I suffer from polyphobia which is fear of many things

and I do have many fears! mostly irrational, most (but not all) with no explanation for their origin - some interfere with my daily life.... thankfully I've managed to make it so that most of them don't!! of course there are some I have no control over.... those are the ones that suck the most!!!

soooo I’m afraid of the numbers 6 and 12 – I spend most of my time doing anything humanly possible to avoid those two numbers…. it has been known to consume hours of my precious time every day – sometimes it’s worse than others.

I’m afraid of anything involving jury duty – just the mere mention of those two words together sends me into a serious panic and my anxiety goes through the roof and my OCD becomes noticeably worse!! – needless to say I’m VERY glad Whirl is done with his civic duty – every time I went to his blog and he talked about it I’d start freaking out!! – even writing this is making me anxious!!!

I’m afraid of anything steep – my best friend spent weeks creating this awesome haunted trail for her kid’s birthday party last year which I spent several hours helping her plan and I refused to check it out because I’m so scared of steep or uneven ground! – I have some kind of genetic defect that causes my knees to pop out of joint, leaving me unable to stand or walk for at least a week – so I avoid anything that might cause that to happen!!

I’m afraid of crossing the street – I have NO idea why! but it’s so bad that if my mailbox wasn’t on the same side of the street as my house I’d NEVER check the mail!!

I’m afraid of large birds, particularly raptors (eagles, hawks, owls, vultures) but also herons and cranes. I FREAK out if I get anywhere near any of these things – even one that’s been to the taxidermist!! I’m also apparently scared to death of pterodactyls – I had a very bad day once on a field trip in high school when our class went to see a dinosaur exhibit and I ran screaming from the room having a full on freak out when I looked up and saw a pterodactyl above me!!

later that same day there was a discussion on birds of prey and even though I warned the speaker not to, he ‘flew’ a stuffed hawk right in front of my face!! I cursed and ran out of there faster than I’ve ever moved in my life!

~ they tried to make ME apologize for hurting the guy’s feelings!!! but I’m sorry - he was warned!!

I’m afraid of cadavers – or rather being contaminated by one… I’m fine with something as long as it’s alive but the second life leaves it’s body I’m convinced it’s contaminated!!

which brings me to contamination…. I’m afraid of contamination – I don’t touch garbage cans or ANYTHING wet outside of my comfort zone – it never ceases to amaze me when I see someone touching or leaning on a garbage can or dumpster or using one as a place to rest their stuff!! uh I’m sorry but if my coffee cup or cigarette pack (when I smoked) came anywhere near the lid of a garbage can I’d have to toss it and immediately if not sooner and wash my hands thoroughly!! ok well maybe I didn’t throw my cigarettes out…. but I’d find another pack to put them in and toss that box!! hehehe

but the reason I’m writing this post today – the one most of you can MAYBE relate to, or at least understand - my fear of SPIDERS!!

we moved into this house in March, 2004 and the very next month the whole place became infested with the creepy crawly bastards!! I’d be woken up several times a night by the feeling of something scurrying across my arm or belly – I’d whack at it and look down to see a stunned spider running across the floor or the bed – you think I’m exaggerating but I’m NOT!!! I barely slept for an entire month!!

Sam was losing his mind because I refused to go to bed at night without first having him check the entire room – behind the dresser, under the bed, under the tv – about an hour before I wanted to go to bed I’d turn the lights off in the bedroom (because the spiders like darkness) and then I’d go in and turn them on and I kid you not there were nights where I’d find 5 spiders on the floor at once!! and as the days went on the spiders grew!! they started out the size of your pinky nail and by the time their invasion waned they were at least as big as a quarter!! some were even bigger!!!

one day I actually saw one spider that was hiding at the very edge of the room were the carpet meets the wall, it was tucked in the crevice and another spider walked by…. that ‘hiding’ spider leapt out and POUNCED on the walking spider and dragged him down into his hiding place!!

I almost had a heart attack right then and there!! I don’t even wanna see that kinda shit on the discovery channel let alone in my BEDROOM!!

obviously I wasn’t sleeping so I sat up all night researching ways to get rid of them…. I started dumping borax in all our doorways and had cotton balls full of eucalyptus oil in every corner!! I don’t know if any of this actually helped but I wasn’t taking any chances!!

anyway it’s that time of year again where I start shaking out my shoes and patrolling the corners at night before I can get into bed…. I have to fold my clothes all tight so’s to be sure no spiders crawl in while I’m asleep!!!

in the last few days I’ve seen 3 or 4 spiders in the house (none in the bedroom yet... THANK GOD!!) but yesterday morning there was a big one crawling up the wall behind my recliner!!

I’m not sure I can handle a repeat performance of the first spring we lived here – as you can tell I still haven’t gotten over it!! even knowing that last spring was nothing like that… as I write this even a hair tickling the back of my neck is making me freak out!!

fortunately my best friend Natalie shares this fear…. we like to call and torture eachother with tales of our GIANT spiders

one day when I found one on the edge of my bed that was literally the size of the palm of my hand I called her and we freaked out together as I tried to work up the courage to whack it with a shoe (first I had to find a shoe big enough)

anyway now I’m counting the days until May!! – ahh the joys of country living!!

meow....

well it’s one of those days…. everyone wants me to do something and that leaves me with no time to do what I want… it’s just as well - I have nothing much to say today anyway

so here are some pictures of a cat in a bag

give a hoot....

whoever came up with ‘honor thy father and thy mother’ obviously didn’t know MY parents!!

the female parental unit has been particularly useless lately… my sister has been having some medical problems and needed to spend yesterday in the hospital having some tests done, she called dear old mom for some support a couple nights before because she was really nervous about it…. mom basically ignored her, then said she had to go because her boyfriend was coming for dinner – of course mom putting a man before her children is nothing new so I don’t know WHY this would surprise either of us…. then my sister asked her if she would drop a pepsi off at her house in the morning before work because she wasn’t feeling well and pepsi for some reason is the only thing that soothes her stomach and she was going to be medicated and unable to leave her house the whole next day!

mom said yes but then never showed up!!

the whole next day passes, no phone call or visit from mom making sure she was ok – typical!

the day of the tests comes…. no phone call before hand to wish her luck – no phone call after to see how things went… she STILL hasn’t heard from her!!

what kind of mothering is that?? and why is it worthy of my honor? listen, just because you’re biologically capable of reproducing doesn’t make you special!! MOST creatures on this planet are capable of reproducing in some way – even worms!! and they create compost to boot – unlike my mother who only creates agita!!

so this morning as I was outside kissing Sam goodbye for the day, I noticed a piece of paper in the driveway in front of my mother’s house

I squealed "ooh is that a ransom note?! did someone kidnap mom?!" and I giggled

Sam said something like "haaa that would be cool… they ain’t gettin’ any money outta me!"

we both had a good laugh…. then I realized it was a paper towel…. being the germaphobe that I am I left it laying there – ya never know what kind of biohazardous material you’re gonna find left behind by a litter bug!!

the moral of the story? don’t litter!! it gives people false hope and then they’ll start to celebrate and think that the day will be full of joy and then they’ll get a closer look and realize that it’s only some litter bug’s snot rag and that not only will mom be back to annoy them after work, but also that people are slobs!!! - including themselves!!

hey... it's a word as long as nobody challenges it!!

I didn’t get to spend as much time with Sam this weekend as I would have liked…. I was starting to feel kind of disconnected and oogedy (hey it's MY blog and I reserve the right to make up words!!) - anyway I HATE that feeling!!

the funny thing about it is when I start feeling that way I take it out on him… I get bitchy toward him… like it’s his fault or something. I really should work harder at not behaving that way – sometimes other things just get in the way… we can’t always do exactly what we want when we want to

and I don’t wanna be such a brat about it!!

we did manage to play the most uneducated looking, monosyllabic game of scrabble ever!!



at least I didn't try to get away with using 'oogedy' then!! haaaa

anyway - as we played we were making up a goofy story out of the words we used…. it was pretty funny…. maybe I’ll try to actually write a scrabble word story – I’d do it ya know!! I’m a dork like that!! hehehe

big baptism brouhaha….

so…. Sunday was the christening I told you about… the men and children were staying home so it was a girls day out kinda thing – me, my sister and my best friend Natalie (also one of my sister’s oldest friends) once we figured out whether or not to take two cars – or who should drive if we took one…. which no exaggeration took 2 days and 7 phone calls!! and still wasn’t quite figured out until they both got to my house!! (I didn’t care who drove as long as one of them stopped to pick me up along the way) hehehe

I showed them both the frame and they thought it looked great – they couldn’t tell at all that it didn’t come with the girls name on it… YAY

against my better judgment they talked me into leaving the frame out of the box it came in, which had a picture of what was inside (minus the name I added) and just putting the frame in the gift bag – I was concerned that it was deceptive, that they would think I painted the whole thing, which had big pink roses on it and stuff

they didn’t think it mattered – after all it wasn’t like I SAID I painted it…. I guess there’s a fine line between the truth and a lie in this case and I didn’t want anyone to think I painted the whole thing myself because that wasn’t true!!

but they talked me into it, because presentation counts for something (especially with such a cheap gift) and I wanted it to look nice… and it DID look better with just the frame in the bag without the box

this whole story seemed a lot more interesting before I actually started typing hehehe

anyway…. we put the gift on the table and that was the end of it… right?

nooooo

yesterday Sam and I go to Home Depot and who do we run into but the couple who’s party it was

he spots us and starts shouting from across the parking lot about what an awesome gift it was… how it was the best gift they got and how they spent an hour looking at it – I tried to tell him all I did was paint her name on it, but he wasn’t hearing me… he was too busy hugging me for our beautiful thoughtful (dollar store) gift

I was NOT happy!!

anyway…. as I said the other day this was my first christening and I didn’t quite know what to expect…. I know catholic ceremonies have a tendency to go on & on forever but I was up for it this time I figured I could use the peace and quiet that you’d expect to get in a church

the first thing I noticed when I sat down (aside from the fact that EVERYBODY sat on one side of the church for some reason… something that really interests me is how people all seem to follow one another, even when they don’t know eachother – so I tend to pay attention to that sort of thing)

the place was full of stained glass… nothing unusual about that – what I thought odd was the fact that each individual window had a little blurb of recognition at the bottom for the person or family that donated it

I guess I just don’t get the idea behind that…. did they donate these things for the recognition or so that the church would have something nice?

if I donated a stained glass window (or the funds to purchase one) to my church I would NOT want my name to be on it!! – not because I wouldn’t want people to know I did that, but because it’s not important to me that anyone know

I just thought it was strange…. particularly in a church, where you’d think people would be inspired to be a little more selfless

anywayyyyy…. it was a nice small group of people at the church… somewhere between 20 and 40 - a couple rows a head of us was a woman about my age I guess with 3 small children who I’d guess were between 4 and 8 – I’m not sure if she was their mother or an aunt - I HOPE she was their aunt!! because that might explain her poor child wrangling skills…. these kids were NOT very well behaved!! they were antsy from the start…. like they got their lunch at a candy store… but kids are antsy, especially when you most want them to settle down -
did I think they could have been better behaved? sure but that’s a whole ‘nother post itself

I guess what bothered me most was that the woman with them seemed to be encouraging their bad behavior… she was laughing at them like she thought they were just the cutest, most precious things she had ever seen – once in a while she would look around and kinda shrug at whoever was gawking at them as if to say ‘hmph, KIDS! what can ya do?’

I’ll tell ya what you can do? tell them to settle down OR ELSE!!
this isn’t a fucking amusement park it’s a church and you’re disrupting the ceremony!!

and if that was all that was going on at this thing I might have been REALLY tweaked by their behavior (children and adult)

BUT as it happens they were the least of the problem… as I said you kind of expect when there are children at something like this that a couple of them will act up – we’re all used to that by now

however…. behind us were some others who were REALLY acting up… they were speaking in that tone just above a whisper that suggests they’re TRYING to be quiet but not really… they were just BSing about their lives and telling eachother different tales. completely ignoring the the goings on, they were laughing and CURSING and just having a fun ol’ time!! as if they had just run into eachother at a party or something – at points they were even mocking the priest and the ceremony!!

at one of the points where everyone is supposed to say amen one of them actually said, loud enough for everyone to here ‘RIGHT ON!’

I’ve seen better behavior at a high school assembly!! in fact I felt like I was back in school the way these people were acting…. and people kept turning to see who was being so rude – but that didn’t seem to phase them

at one point my sister almost turned and gave them the ‘if you were my kids…’ speech – but then she realized that they were ADULTS!!! well 2 of them were anyway… one was a teenage boy – one was a 30-something woman holding a baby!! and I guess the other was her husband... a man in his mid to late 30's

to give you an idea of just how distracting these people were…. at some point during the ceremony one of the kids there vomited in the aisle and nobody noticed it until we were all trying to leave!!

as usual I was left wondering what the hell is wrong with people!??!!

so much for peace and quiet!!!

the day wasn’t a total loss though…. the party afterward was nice and the food was GREAT!! but I didn’t gorge myself… I didn’t even have cake!! hehehe YAY me!!

it was nice to just have a day out with the girls…. it was the first time my sister has done anything like that without her kid since she was born (over 2 years) so that was good for her…. hopefully it helped her to decompress - it was just nice to hang out with them since they’re both moving away before summer =(

oh well I guess that pretty much wraps up the story of my first christening….

ok kiddies.... nap time is over!! - back to work hehehe

Happy St. Patrick's Day and stuff....

ok it’s official…. I’m married to a mental case!! yesterday morning he emerged from the bedroom with his goofy golden yellow shorts pulled up to his armpits like Tweedle Dee or something…. this morning he comes out with his shorts on his head and his legs through the sleeves of his shirt!! he said he just felt like dressing upside down today hehehe – and I thought I was nuts!!!

Woo Hoo…. it’s St. Patrick’s day - one of my very favoritest days of the year… I have NO idea why!! I’m only ¼ Irish but I was raised around A LOT of VERY Irish people so maybe that’s it…. it always just seems like such a fun day…. everyone wears green… and we all know what THAT means!! ;)

there are leprechauns and big pots of gold and shamrocks and all that neat stuff…. it’s a pretty juvenile day and I’m a pretty juvenile girl, so it fits!!

I’m making my annual corned beef & cabbage today…. and some irish soda bread…. and I figure as long as I have the oven on and the buttermilk out I may as well make a banana cake too – since I have half a bunch of bananas that’s about to become liquefied if I don’t use them soon!!
so that’s my big plan for the day…. of course Sam doesn’t much like corned beef & cabbage or so he says…. then when I make it he always says how good it is… so go figure

I’m going to my first christening on sunday Woo Hoo – well since my own anyway, but I’m not sure that really counts hehehe

these are kinda fringe friends who for some reason ALWAYS invite us to their little celebrations - I really don’t know what you’re supposed to give as a gift at one of these things other than cash, which I certainly wasn’t about to do!! - do you think it’s totally lame that I bought a pretty picture frame at a discount store and painted the girls name on it? it actually looks really nice… you’d never know it only cost $1!!! haaaa - it will have to do… we just don’t have the money to shell out for all of these events that seem to take place every other week!!

I swear we have to have a kid just so we can start getting even with these people!! hehehe

oh well - so much time and so little to do!! I hope you all have a really GREAT weekend!!

a good thing....

ok so I found this over at Snow Wonders and it seemed like a good thing to do…. so I’m doing it – because... well I like to do good things!!! hehehe

the rules are list ten things you want to say to people you know but know you never will, for whatever reason. don't say who they are, use a person only once.

~ you think he is the one who fucked up our lives – but it was YOU!!
~ I wish we could have been friends growing up – or at least gotten along
~ THANK YOU for bringing us together and for opening your mouth that night at that party
~ sometimes I miss you and want to figure out a way to track you down…. then I remember that we never really got along very well anyway
~ you’re a sick fuck - I pity you!!
~ I don’t know if you’re in denial or what but I’m sure you feel guilt…. I don’t blame you for anything
~ you KNOW the truth… WHY do you let him anywhere near your kids????
~ I MISS YOU
~ I can’t imagine writing my niece off because she moved a couple hours away…. what the hell kind of people just drop contact with their grandchildren/nieces just because they moved away? no wonder my father sucks!!
~ I’ve screwed up with you so many times I don’t know why you still speak to me….

ok I could actually go on and on with this but I’ll stick to the rules… this time hehehe

a hodge-podge….

no good can come from my phone ringing at 8:30 in the morning – especially when my sister’s number comes up on the caller ID!!!

but I didn’t answer it – YAY ME!! hehehe

of course now it’s gonna eat away at me all day wondering what the hell she wanted!!

I feel very much like shutting the phones off, locking the door and not having any communication with the people around me (aside from Sam) for at least a week!! think I can do it?

of course as soon as I typed that, my phone rang and I answered it ~sigh

but it wasn’t my mother or my sister so it was safe haaaa for some reaon they both drain me terribly!!

so I’m sitting here eating my breakfast (cold chicken) and my kitchen window is wide open and it feels so springy out…. it’s about 65º and there are big fluffy white clouds in the sky and I can hear my wind chimes twinkling away…. and I feel suffocated and alone!!! my anxiety is through the roof, my OCD is eating up more time than I can spare!!

Sam asked me not to blog today but I really just felt like I needed to spew and who better to spew on than you? hehehe just kidding!!

anyway…. enough bitching and whining it’s a BEAUTIFUL day!!! it started out cloudy and depressing but now it’s bright and sunny and I hope to get A LOT done!!!

I NEED to take control of my life and do what I need to do for ME and for my husband and our home to get our lives back on track!! I have to stop worrying so much about everyone else’s life and start making sure that MINE doesn’t go completely to shit!! there was a time where I woke up and got stuff done and felt good about what I accomplished in a day and didn’t always feel like I was shoveling shit against the tide!! and I HAVE TO get back there!!!

I really need to get my house in order – which I think means throwing some stuff out…. I have TOO MUCH stuff and not even close to enough space!

I’m kinda thinking I’d like to go outside and clean the yard up some too…. just to get some fresh air :) we’ll see hehehe

~*~*~*~
Sam got his hands on 4 louvered doors (for FREE) the other day which he hinged together to make a room divider – something we’ve both been wanting since we moved in here!! that way we can kinda separate the computer/music area from the rest of the house which has a completely open floor plan (since it was once a store) – now I have a project…. to paint them and make them look all purty hehehe YAY I LOVE projects!!! especially when they get done!!

~*~*~*~
the other day we went to my best friend Natalie’s 6 year olds birthday party…. I made these weird little fried chocolate hazelnut wontons that I saw Giadamake on the food channel one day – I’m convinced Giada is the devil!! it seems like EVERY day she makes something involving NUTELLA!! I hope they pay her something for it!!

anyway I thought how could you go wrong with deep fried nutella? and I was right!! they were SO yummy!!! and I was good I only ate a few and they were tiny!!

~*~*~*~
we had to go out to walmart (the other devil) on Sunday…. that place somehow immediately puts me in a crappy mood sometimes and I don’t even notice it…. it’s kinda like I just absorb all the negative energy in the place…. Sam and I actually had an argument about SCISSORS!! That’s just INSANE!!!

but as we were leaving the sun was setting and the sky looked awesome – I’d been wanting to take a picture of the mountain from up in the walmart parking lot because it’s way up on a big hill and on a clear day it’s actually a really nice view… so I had my camera with me – it wasn’t very clear this day but I did manage to get a picture of the sunset instead



hmmm that’s pretty – I think I’ll leave you with that :)

I feel better now....

the luckiest girl in the world….

have I mentioned that I have the best husband in the whole wide world?

the first thing he does when he gets up in the morning is give me a kiss and a hug…. and he puts up with me kissing him 80 more times as he’s trying to leave for work!! come to think of it he puts up with A LOT!!

sometimes he calls me during the day just to hear my voice

and when he gets home the first thing he does is give me a kiss and a hug and often tells me how much he missed me during the day

he tells me he loves me all the time and sometimes I catch him just staring at me…. when I ask him WHY he says that he just likes looking at me, I’m his wife and he has every right to stare at me as much as he wants – I don’t really know what that means… I figure I must have broccoli in my teeth or something!! hehehe

he always encourages me to do things I enjoy and does what he can to help me pursue my interests

he looks out for me and tries to help me to do what’s best

he treats me with respect and kindness

he thinks I’m great even when I think I’m awful

he does his best to provide for us – even when all he wants to do is pull the covers up over his head and go back to sleep, he gets up and tries to have a good day and to make sure that I do too!!

he is smart and warm and compassionate

whenever someone needs a hand he’s always there to help

he does math for me

when a critter gets in during the night and I’m cowering in the corner of the bed hoping it won’t scurry up my leg, he gets up and gets rid of it

he helps me go on spider patrol at night so I can sleep

he’ll stop on the side of the road to pick me flowers when he knows I’ve had a bad day

he helps me with the plastic bags when my OCD won’t let me put them down (don’t ask hehehe)

he loves me no matter what… even when I’m laughing so loud it hurts his ears – or I’m sulking or bitching or just plain rotten

he can’t keep his hands off me – even when I feel completely disgusting!!

he makes me feel comfortable and loved and accepted like NOBODY has EVER made me feel

he helps keep me centered and reminds me of what’s important

when I’m spinning off into outer space he helps reel me back in

he holds my hand and keeps me out of oncoming traffic (literally and figuratively)

he’s my best friend

I could go on and on and on all day – but I won’t hehehe

today is an anniversary of sorts…. since we were together for so long before we got married we always celebrated the anniversary of the day we first got together (that’s what kids do) and so we kinda stuck with it…. it’s neat it’s like we get two anniversaries a year!!! YAY!!

so today is the anniversary of our first kiss…. ain’t that sweet?

I was told not to make dinner…. that we’d pick up some chinese and get a movie… which leaves me more time to get lots of stuff done today!! so that’s my plan…. I want to do something nice for him and I’ve been a total frump lately so I think I’ll take that extra time to make myself all pretty… I’ll take a bath and do my nails and all that girly stuff men seem to like so much hehehe

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I never changed the song this week – so I might as well do it now

I like this song… it sticks in my head – and not just because I’m married to the bass player!! hehehe

as I walk along (brand new day) ~ The Black Rose Love

stuff....

ring ring….

I wonder what the world was like before the sound of ringing telephones came along and destroyed the peace & quiet

the elixir of life….



I like coffee…. however I only drink about a handful of cups a year… so basically I don’t consider myself a coffee drinker as I’m not like the others who drink at least a cup a day (not that there’s anything wrong with that!) I just guess I chose at some point not to take on another addiction…. I have enough to deal with!! I don’t even own a coffee maker… whenever I host a holiday meal or something my mother (who lives next door) usually goes over and makes a pot after dinner.

so what? recently I bought a cup and for some reason encouraged Sam to try it – I’ve been trying to get him to try coffee for years…. he loves coffee ice cream, he LOVES starbucks mocha frappuccinos, he loves tiramisu made with espresso – yet he claims he doesn’t like coffee and it just didn’t make sense to me

so he tried it…. and he drank half my cup!!!

now he’s buying coffee at work – and getting his own cup when we go out!! I’ve created a monster!!

he says coffee is the elixir of life - what am I gonna do? I have to get this monkey off his back!!

and speaking of a monkey on your back....

huh?

my so called dreams….



last night I had a dream that Jared Leto was jealous of Sam because Sam gets to fuck me and he doesn’t

listen Jared if you’re reading this, we each have a list of people we’re allowed to have a go at if the opportunity presents itself and you’re TOTALLY on my list!! – we needn’t let a little thing like a wedding ring stand in our way ok? call me!!

hehehe

humor....

so my grandfather’s wife periodically forwards me cute little emails – usually it’s pictures of kittens in a hat box or a puppy cuddling up to a kangaroo or something like that

she is the one who sent me that strangely addictive mouse-over cat I posted a couple weeks ago

anyway…. unfortunately she (like most women, it seems) is a male basher… and she likes to forward mass emails filled with little bits of male bashing ‘humor’ – at the end it usually says for you to ‘SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT’

I fail to see what’s so SMART about bashing men – but it seems to be a favorite pastime of MANY women!!

I know my mother and my sister really seem to enjoy it!! I don’t get it…. maybe it’s because I managed to land myself a good man – or maybe I’m just not SMART haaaa

anyway I don't want to go into a whole anti-male bashing rant - I can't say anything that hasn't already been said - but I checked my email this morning and sure enough once again there was a forwarded list of anti-man jokes

like this one:

a man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.”
the wife responded, "allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”

maybe I’m just oversensitive… but in what world is it ok for a man to call his wife STUPID!! or vice versa!!! – crimenies… if my husband called me stupid I’d probably collapse into a puddle of tears!! it would actually DAMAGE me!! – I mean I GET the joke I guess I just don’t get why anyone would think it’s funny

however there were some NOT SO anti-male bits in this email that I thought I’d share – because they’re funny examples of how we’re just different creatures….

like this one:

“UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider”

now THAT is funny!! – because it’s TRUE hehehe

or this one:

a husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. the wife replied, "the reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... the husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

I’m pretty sure Sam and I have had this very conversation…. more than once hehehe

but the one that REALLY made me laugh was this:

a man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on apiece of paper, "please wake me at 5:00 AM." he left it where he knew she would find it. the next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. the paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

I don’t care who you are – that’s FUNNY!!

sleeping beauty....

she must have nodded off reading in bed again - there she lay, her head propped up on a small mountain of pillows, her shirt bunched up and twisted. she had obviously been asleep for a while, her book had fallen to her side and the blanket was askew, exposing her bare skin to the cool air.

he watched her for a moment lying there so peacefully and listened to her soft little snores and he thought about letting her rest. but then he noticed the soft round flesh peeking out from under her shirt, he couldn’t help himself he HAD to touch her!

he quietly walked over and knelt at the side of the bed, watching her chest rise and fall with each shallow breath…. he knew if he woke her after she had been asleep this long that she would be less than thrilled but still he had to have her. he reached between her legs, gently running his finger tips down over her panties. her legs were barely parted just enough to slide his fingers down sideways, accidentally tickling her thigh with his sleeve. she stirred a bit and he stopped, wondering if he should take his chances and continue or wait until he heard those little snores again….

he continued…. pressing his fingers against her clit through the thin fabric of her panties. her breaths were shallow again she seemed to be asleep…. but when he tried to part her legs a bit more there was resistance – IS she asleep? he wondered

he continued tracing his fingers over her panties, gently slipping his fingers under the elastic along the inside of her thigh but with her legs that close together he couldn’t reach in much further….

she kept her eyes closed wondering how far he would go thinking that she’s asleep…. the next time he tried to part her legs she made them limp and he pushed them apart with ease. she tried to make sure he still thought she was asleep so she stayed as still as possible

with better access he was able to pull her panties aside and slip his fingers inside her…. he rested his head on her thigh as she lay still on the bed and he listened to her breathing as he fingered her tight little pussy.

she could feel the roughness of his stubble against her soft skin and the warmth of his breath moistening her thigh and it made her tingle from head to toe…. god how she loves the feel of that stubble on her skin!

her breath caught in her throat for a moment as she focused on the feeling of that stubble and his fingers sliding in and out of her at an excruciatingly slow pace…. she could tell how wet she was getting and she wondered what he must be thinking

he groaned… and to her it sounded like he was licking his lips…. he continued on at the same agonizing pace, pushing first one, then two fingers deep inside her right down to his palm and slowly pulling them back, occasionally stopping to brush the edge of his thumb against her clit - within minutes his hand was soaked

she just lay still, enjoying every second…. her senses seemed heightened, and she was aware of every sound… she could hear his breath changing and the sound his fingers made moving through her wetness – she somehow managed to lay still as waves of pleasure washed over her… her pussy tightened on his fingers, gripping at them, pulling them in even deeper

he groaned louder – she wondered if he’d realize she was awake or if he’d just assume he made her cum in her sleep

she stayed remarkably still…. growing more and more curious as to how far this would go – she was surprised at her stillness as she started to soften up – that was one of the most amazing orgasms she had ever had and she’d just managed to ‘sleep’ though it…. does he really think she’s asleep… or is he like her, trying to see how long he can pull this off?

he took his hand out from between her legs and she felt a little empty, VERY wet and very exposed…. somehow her shirt had lifted more and her nipples poked out… her legs were well parted and her panties soaked…. she wondered what his next move would be, or if he was content to go to sleep too now….

but as he stood and saw her laying there he knew he needed more… he couldn’t just let that sweet wet little pussy go to waste….

she felt him crawling up between her legs and it took all she had not to gasp – he was being rougher now…. he had to know he was pressing his luck but he must have felt confident that if she woke up now there was no way she’d be upset….

she could feel his nose pressed against her clit and she heard him inhale deeply - she practically melted as his breath hit her wet panties…. he inched back a bit and pushed his fingers against the fabric, shoving it inside her as he nibbled on her, gently biting the insides of her thighs….

the feeling of the cool wet fabric rubbing against her tender flesh, pushing into her swollen pussy was driving her crazy enough but then he stopped…. and pulled the panties aside and all she could feel was a million tiny pin pricks as his stubble brushed hard against her clit and pressed into her bare skin as he snaked his tongue inside of her….

and the stubble rubbed her raw as he flicked his tongue up and down, not so gently tasting every inch of her…. he knows how much it drives her crazy to feel that roughness against her sensitive skin

within seconds she was about to cum again…. her body tensed but she remained still - he was busy lapping at her dripping wet pussy, digging that coarse hair hard into her, making her ache with the rawness and the pleasure – he wouldn’t notice the change in her breathing or the way she gripped the sheets

and he stayed there for endless minutes tasting her…. his touch got softer as he let her come down a bit, gently teasing her with his tongue and the tips of his fingers… then he started his way up… kissing her belly and up between her tits…. stopping to trace circles around her nipples with the tip of his tongue and give them each a hard little pinch – he used his knees to spread her legs wider… her panties pulled and stretched beyond usefulness just kind of stayed to the side as he guided his cock into her

she tried to stay still…. she couldn’t believe he was going to fuck her sleeping body… and she wondered - has this happened before?

he began to slowly grind into her and she could feel his pubic bone rubbing hard against her swollen clit…. she couldn’t take it anymore, she needed to feel him deep inside her… as deep as possible.... she slowly began to open her eyes as she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer… she repositioned herself to take him deeper and it felt like he would split her in two… she was biting her bottom lip, looking up at him trying to read his mind as he pounded into her… fucking her so hard it hurt

by the look in his eyes she knew he wouldn’t last much longer…. and she was dizzy wanting his cum so badly – she reached down between her legs and spread her pussy nice and wide for him, wanting to feel every inch of him inside her…. and then it was hers….

he quickly pulled his cock from her and sprayed her clit with his white hot semen… as she felt it trickle down she began to cum again… something about the feeling of his cum on her clit drives her crazy…. she used her fingers to rub it in as he watched…. slowly jerking his cock, rubbing it against her pussy, feeling the wetness of their orgasms combined – he continued to watch her as he slid his cock back in, pushing his semen inside of her… slowly, deliberately - feeling her muscles sucking at him, pulling him deeper… her arms pulling him closer

he kissed her chin and then her lips as they ground their hips together letting their breathing slowly come back to normal – he rolled off of her and onto his side pulling her back against him and she giggled…. and said ‘you woke me up!’

‘I know…’ he said ‘but it was worth it!’

she just smiled as she fell back to sleep.

for Sam....

I don’t have a real post in me today so without further ado….
the song of the week is: Working Man - by Rush

why? because there’s not enough time in the day!!!